From Disappointing to Amazing

I was extremely disappointed this morning. I got my SAT scores. As expected, I did poorly. I knew I wasn't going to do well to begin with. I felt like such a failure, like such a worthless existence. All of that negativity just because of the SAT. I need to study more, that's for sure. I'm hoping for a better score on the June 2nd one. If I go in confidently, will it help me? I hope so.

I know that I need to be more confident in myself, but it's hard for me when all I can see is how great everyone else is. Everyone else is so talented in one way or another, but I'm not. I wonder if I'll ever be able to find out what I'm good at. Everyone has a talent, right? Do some people just go through life without ever knowing?

Anyway, enough with that sadness. My day turned out to be great. I walked into school with no intention of being happy, smiling, or laughing. It didn't take long before I broke into a smile during first block. I think it's because today was a Day 2. I see Casey all day long and she always makes me feel better. By the time it was English, I was in a fairly good mood. That good mood continued to study hall and through lunch. It died down a bit during the first half of 6th period but came back during the second half. But the happiest time in my day was during anatomy. Today was hilarious; Casey was being so flirtatious and inappropriate. Oh, and we found out that Deepak (Tomy) is cheating on Casey, haha. I really thought they had something together, haha. :D

Today I remembered something that my DCM friend, Carol, told me. She told me that my life doesn't depend on my SAT scores, that I beat myself up too easily because I feel like I need to exceed the ordinary. She's right though, I'm exactly like that. Truthfully, I see myself as a failure most of the time. I reserve those thoughts for when I'm by myself though. When I'm with people I love, I don't feel like a failure, I don't feel like I have to be perfect. All of those negative thoughts and worries fly away. 

I'm happy today and I know my happiness will continue into tomorrow...very early tomorrow, haha. I have an exciting Friday to spend with two amazing people, Deepak (Tomy) and Casey. I just hope they keep the PDA to a minimum, haha. :D