Comfortable Day

Today was a pretty wonderful day; there's only one and half days of school left. I'm sad that this year is ending, but I'm happy because it happened. Today is one of those days that I'll try to remember for a long time. 

During first block in CIS II, we spent most of our time goofing on and chatting, like we usually always do. And by we, I mean the following people: Casey, Cassy, Marie, Ashley, Loganne, Jordan, and myself. Oh, and Mrs. Bodenschatz of course. Towards the end of class, Loganne decided to present her PowerPoint project and that sparked a chain reaction. Cassy, Casey, and Jordan presented after her. I think I'm going to present on Wednesday because it is something fun and I don't feel shy around these people. I'm free to be who I am around them. 

Second block was amazing. We watched some more of The Great Gatsby and had a good time laughing at Daisy and making fun of all of the kissing between her and Gatsby. That movie is so goofy and Daisy is just stupid. We all can't wait until the new movie comes out. It looks like it'll be a good movie. Needless to say, AP English 11 has been awesome. My class is perfect. 

Sixth period was good too. I talked to Mrs. Strosnider like I usually do and chatted with Libby S. for a bit. Mrs. Strosnider still can't believe how fast the year has gone and I can't either. Junior year has passed by so fast. Anyway, Libby and I were chatting with Mrs. Strosnider about SOLs, GPAs, valedictorians, and the like. It was fun. 

And last but not least, ANATOMY! There were only four of us today, including me. It was me, Casey, Deepak (Tomy), and Mikayla. While Mikayla was making up a test, the three of us blew bubbles for a little bit. Blowing bubbles made me feel like a little kid again. I'm tempted to go look around the house now to see if I can find some bubbles. I spent, or rather wasted, a bunch of time trying to find Billy Andrews. He's really difficult to find, and yet he always appears at the most random times. I got fed up with trying to find him so I just gave up and went back to Mrs. Britton's room. And for part of the class after that, the three of us chatted while Mikayla played Minecraft and Mrs. Britton graded papers and laughed at videos that she was watching. We ended up watching anime together, which was cool. I'm actually glad that it was only the four of us. Of course, it would have been nice if Andy showed up but I know that he's not coming anymore. It'll just be the four of us again on Wednesday. I'm not complaining though, I like it that way. 

The next day and a half will be fun. Then, I have graduation to look forward to. And then, going to the movies with Alexa and some people. After that, I don't really have any plans.  I'm sure I'll make plans though. 

Side Note:

- I never talk about what goes on at lunch. Well, nothing too out of the ordinary happened today except I got rid of all of that junk food. Alley, Taylor, Gee...I love those three.

- I haven't been taking that many pictures. I'll be okay without them though. I'll remember what I can for as long as I can. Whatever I don't remember, I'll trust that my classmates and friends will. I'll remember this year for as long as I can.

Mentioning of Dreams, a False Achievement, and a Dissection

I had a strange dream last night. All of my dreams are so strange. Then again, who doesn't have strange dreams? I can hardly remember what happened in the dream now, all I know is that it was weird. I only consider my dreams to be odd because of the people who appear in them. 

This information is irrelevant, but according to my dreams I have a crush on a guy that I know of but don't personally know; that was another dream altogether. For the first time ever, I had a dream in which I was bleeding; again, this is NOT the dream I mentioned in the very beginning but I feel like sharing part of it. An old friend from my middle school years had stabbed (I don't want to use this word, but I can't think of anything else better at the moment) my middle finger, my index finger, and my thumb with a knife (actually poke is more of an accurate word); my thumb bled and I wiped the blood on his face and shirt. Weird stuff.

I like my dreams though, for the most part anyway. Dreams are a whole other world where anything is possible. Even if I stop seeing people in person, I can meet them in my dreams. I can't meet them by choice, but the right people are always shown or mentioned for each and every dream that I've had and remember.

Time to talk about what happened in school. I really feel the need to mention this because it bothers me so much. Today, I found myself in the auditorium walking up to the stage to accept an award for outstanding student in U.S. History from Mrs. Andrews. When I shook her hand, it felt all wrong. I did nothing to deserve that award. I want to appreciate the fact that I got the award but I can't. Sadly, I'm not passionate about history. I'd like to be but I'm just not. I don't understand why I received that award, all I know is that I am undeserving of it. I hope that I can learn to be passionate about history someday. I'm not a history girl, but I'd like for that to change just a bit. 

The most exciting part of today was anatomy. Big surprise, right? We got the chance to dissect fetal pigs. It was really cool and actually made sense. The fetal pigs were bigger than I expected them to be, I thought they'd be a lot smaller than they actually were. I had the honor of touching the heart, the liver, and one of the lungs. I also got to poke the brain. Those piggies have huge lungs. The liver was a remarkable size too. I think it's bizarre how excited I was during the dissection. Dissections almost seem cruel. It's as if it's some form of entertainment and enjoyment for us. I won't lie, I do enjoy dissections. I don't care if that makes me seem cruel, it's all to satisfy my curiosity and love for science. Dissections amaze me. I can't wait until I get to dissect a cat!

Side Notes:

- Maybe I'll share one of my crazy dreams one of these days 

- I love Billy Andrews! (Yes, I call him Billy. I picked up that habit from my sister.)
- R.I.P. Babe and George

From Disappointing to Amazing

I was extremely disappointed this morning. I got my SAT scores. As expected, I did poorly. I knew I wasn't going to do well to begin with. I felt like such a failure, like such a worthless existence. All of that negativity just because of the SAT. I need to study more, that's for sure. I'm hoping for a better score on the June 2nd one. If I go in confidently, will it help me? I hope so.

I know that I need to be more confident in myself, but it's hard for me when all I can see is how great everyone else is. Everyone else is so talented in one way or another, but I'm not. I wonder if I'll ever be able to find out what I'm good at. Everyone has a talent, right? Do some people just go through life without ever knowing?

Anyway, enough with that sadness. My day turned out to be great. I walked into school with no intention of being happy, smiling, or laughing. It didn't take long before I broke into a smile during first block. I think it's because today was a Day 2. I see Casey all day long and she always makes me feel better. By the time it was English, I was in a fairly good mood. That good mood continued to study hall and through lunch. It died down a bit during the first half of 6th period but came back during the second half. But the happiest time in my day was during anatomy. Today was hilarious; Casey was being so flirtatious and inappropriate. Oh, and we found out that Deepak (Tomy) is cheating on Casey, haha. I really thought they had something together, haha. :D

Today I remembered something that my DCM friend, Carol, told me. She told me that my life doesn't depend on my SAT scores, that I beat myself up too easily because I feel like I need to exceed the ordinary. She's right though, I'm exactly like that. Truthfully, I see myself as a failure most of the time. I reserve those thoughts for when I'm by myself though. When I'm with people I love, I don't feel like a failure, I don't feel like I have to be perfect. All of those negative thoughts and worries fly away. 

I'm happy today and I know my happiness will continue into tomorrow...very early tomorrow, haha. I have an exciting Friday to spend with two amazing people, Deepak (Tomy) and Casey. I just hope they keep the PDA to a minimum, haha. :D

Filming - Day 2

Today, we got work done. We had nine organ systems to knock out today and we did all of them except for one. That's a pretty good day of working considering that the four of us (me, Casey, Deepak (Tomy), and Andy; Mikayla was not present) goof off a lot.

Kidney stones, having change thrown at me because I'm a homeless person who thinks that she is a dog, biting Casey, being "shocked' with paddles by Deepak (Tomy), being taunted by Andy and Deepak (Tomy) = a fun time. My life is so normal, I love it. The things we have done so that we can an A on this project are just crazy. I will probably never have this much fun with a video project again. I find it strange that I'm not even remotely embarrassed by what I did today as far as acting goes. Maybe I was a little embarrassed at the time, but thinking about it now I realize that I'm not. So what if we all had to humiliate ourselves at one point? We all had fun and that's all that matters.

Besides working so diligently like the good little students we are, we had some time to ourselves to do whatever we felt like doing aka our break time. Casey was preoccupied with Andy's iPad. Andy was using his laptop, then he went to the keyboard, and then played Tetris after that. Deepak (Tomy) played guitar and the keyboard, but not at the same time. What did I do? I watched them and engraved the feeling I had during that time into memory. It felt so perfect.

I've had two good weekends in a row, will my good weekend streak continue? We shall find out soon enough, perhaps too soon.

We found love in a homeless place...

Filming - Day 1

Today was the first day that the entire group got together. We filmed. We goofed off while filming. We played with dangerous tools...well, some of us did. We went off on an adventure into an unknown land. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me. 

Out of the eleven organ systems, we finished filming the integumentary system and muscular system, both of which Casey is the star. We got some footage on the endocrine system (which stars Mikayla) and pretty much called it a day...because we went venturing off into the previously mentioned unknown land after that. After we got back from said unknown land, Mikayla departed first with the most important thing: the video footage. Casey was the next to go. Then Deepak (Tomy), Andy, and I just did whatever. Andy was preoccupied with whatever was happening on his laptop that was so fascinating, and Deepak (Tomy) quickly became preoccupied with the keyboard, which I must say is beyond amazing. 

We learned some very important things today, or rather I did. Casey and Deepak (Tomy) flirting/trying to flirt is probably one of the funniest things ever. Sadly, I missed their exchange because I was "talking/arguing" with Andy in the background while Mikayla was behind the camera filming us. Stuffing helmets and pillows into Casey made her look hilarious. The meat part of the muscular system was kind of gross but pretty awesome; I still feel bad for Casey...all of that work just to get an A. I have horrible aim...well, I sort of already knew that. I kind of went crazy with the "blood" and squirted it onto Casey's shirt, that was an accident of course. 

But the most important thing I learned today is that there is no way that we won't get an A on this project. It's too good for us to not get an A. Also, our bloopers section is going to be ridiculous. So many funny moments. And today was another one of those perfect days for me. 

Needless to say, today was an amazing day. I'm two for two so far and expecting another amazing day tomorrow, since I see these same weirdos, who I love so much, again tomorrow. Four lovable weirdos + one Fawzia = FUN! 

Proof of our shenanigans! :D 

Being a Crybaby

I'm too emotional. I hate that. I cry too easily. I hate that. Why do simple words with no intent to hurt make the tears fall? It was nothing worth crying over. But I can still hear that exchange, the idea of it at least -- "Where do we put her?" / "You won't be here during this time." The moment was something like that. I got teary-eyed over something stupid. I'm pretty sure they knew that I cried, or would end up crying. Luckily, I don't think anyone saw. I feel stupid for crying over something so trivial. It's not my fault that I can't be in the library everyday anymore...

Of course, I cheered up in anatomy. No matter how bad a day is, anatomy helps my mood..well most of the time. "Do you speak British?" / "Who invented the heart?"

I stayed after school today to get some help with work that I missed earlier on in the school year. It felt nice to stay after today. I was able to absorb some information and chat with my teacher. I cried for the second time that day. I couldn't help it, because of what we ended up discussing. I cried because my teacher said something along the lines of me being a miracle, being a survivor. I haven't talked enough in person about what I experienced. The subject of being a transplant patient has always been touchy for me. It's hard for me not to cry when I think about those days. No one ever asks about the story, but I don't mind either way. I'm still here and that's all that matters.