Stuff

It's been a few days since I've shared so I guess I'll scrape together some stuff to say now. Summer is boring and fun like it always has been. There have been fun days and boring days. I don't know how I ever got through the previous summer. Summer feels like it'll never end, but I know that time will start passing quickly now that I've said that.

Alley and Taylor came over on Tuesday and Thursday. On Tuesday, we watched some Nabari no Ou and part of Mulan. On Thursday, they brought some video games just to show me what they were. We finished Mulan, chatted, and lazed around. I felt kind of bad because I'm extremely boring. 

SAT scores came back. True to my feeling, I did improve, but only by the slightest bit. I just keep wasting money. I'm not expecting anything great to come out of my third try, but it would be nice to not feel like such an incompetent fool. In addition to SAT scores, report cards came too. My GPA is finally what I've wanted it to be, but I suspect that's only because I was enrolled in four classes for my junior year. I need to maintain my GPA, it's all I have going for me. What's so great about having a high GPA though? Why do I feel like I need it? Did I want it for me or to impress someone else? 

Anyway, I've started to talk to a few of my cousins again, via Skype and Yahoo Messenger. I stayed up until almost two in the morning chatting with them. I went over to my aunt's house yesterday and today. I absolutely love her cooking. While I was at my aunt's house today, I realized something: I don't like curry; the little person inside my head laughed at that thought because the only reason I remembered that little fact was because my aunt had made curry. After eating, I went upstairs with Rabia and we played Uno. Usama came in and every now and then to talk. I found humor in a lot of what he said so I started laughing. He finally noticed that I laugh very easily. Sumyya came in after a while and turned on the TV. We (Sumyya, Rabia, and I) ended up watching almost two episodes of How I Met Your Mother. It's a funny show. 

I'd like to add that I've been on Netflix quite a bit...and I started watching Pretty Little Liars not too long ago. Don't judge. I just like the drama and ridiculousness of it all, plus it's kind of interesting to me. Basically, I'm trying to make it sound like I don't really like it when I actually do. Don't be disappointed in me, pleaseeee. In addition to that, I started watching Avatar: The Last Airbender today. I should have watched that show when my cousin told me to, he was right about it being a good show. I've been on Netflix way too much, but I can't help it. It's all I feel like doing to pass the time. I think that's why I'm getting dumber...okay, I'm done for now. Later!

"How was round two?"

Today was my second attempt at the infamous SAT. In all honesty, I want to say that I feel like I did better this time, but I'm forcing myself to think negatively just in case I didn't improve all that much. I feel like myself today. I can't explain why I was so different yesterday. I guess I get like that sometimes. Right now, I'm pretty content and satisfied. 

I saw so many Sherando kids this morning: Loganne (she sat right in front of me), Derek, Cody V., Tobias, Alexa, Hubert, Cody J., Chris, Libby, Casey, Julia, Megan, Kasey, Sidney, Kyle, Jon...and lots more. It felt nice to have Loganne sitting in front of me. Her presence was comforting. It felt really nice once we were finished, because right after we got outside I found Alexa, Andrew, Chris, Cody J., and Hubert. I chatted with them about things like SAT scores, movies, and the Florida incident; Libby joined in a little bit later after it was only Alexa, Andrew, and I left. And then I found Casey, haha.

It was really nice to talk to Andrew in person; he's just as awesome as I knew he would be. Alexa might have made my day when she asked if we were still on for the movies next weekend. I'm so glad she remembered. It just felt great to see so many familiar faces.

James Wood is a really great school, at least it feels that way. I felt so calm there. I wasn't as nervous as I was when I went to Clarke County. Sure, James Wood isn't Sherando, but it still gave me a welcoming feeling, like I could have a place there if I ever went there. And the lockers are blue so that's a plus. 

I'm in a good mood right now despite the fact that I still have an English paper to write and some other school related things to do. I know that I have a good night ahead of me. Tonight will be a night full of video games and fun with really great friends. It's a good Saturday so far and it's only going to get better from here.

Side Note:

- "How was round two?" was asked by Chris

- I hugged Alexa, Chris, Libby, and Casey today; Hubert rejected me (sad face) and I didn't attempt to hug Andrew
- Gov school kids, you gotta love 'em! 

From Disappointing to Amazing

I was extremely disappointed this morning. I got my SAT scores. As expected, I did poorly. I knew I wasn't going to do well to begin with. I felt like such a failure, like such a worthless existence. All of that negativity just because of the SAT. I need to study more, that's for sure. I'm hoping for a better score on the June 2nd one. If I go in confidently, will it help me? I hope so.

I know that I need to be more confident in myself, but it's hard for me when all I can see is how great everyone else is. Everyone else is so talented in one way or another, but I'm not. I wonder if I'll ever be able to find out what I'm good at. Everyone has a talent, right? Do some people just go through life without ever knowing?

Anyway, enough with that sadness. My day turned out to be great. I walked into school with no intention of being happy, smiling, or laughing. It didn't take long before I broke into a smile during first block. I think it's because today was a Day 2. I see Casey all day long and she always makes me feel better. By the time it was English, I was in a fairly good mood. That good mood continued to study hall and through lunch. It died down a bit during the first half of 6th period but came back during the second half. But the happiest time in my day was during anatomy. Today was hilarious; Casey was being so flirtatious and inappropriate. Oh, and we found out that Deepak (Tomy) is cheating on Casey, haha. I really thought they had something together, haha. :D

Today I remembered something that my DCM friend, Carol, told me. She told me that my life doesn't depend on my SAT scores, that I beat myself up too easily because I feel like I need to exceed the ordinary. She's right though, I'm exactly like that. Truthfully, I see myself as a failure most of the time. I reserve those thoughts for when I'm by myself though. When I'm with people I love, I don't feel like a failure, I don't feel like I have to be perfect. All of those negative thoughts and worries fly away. 

I'm happy today and I know my happiness will continue into tomorrow...very early tomorrow, haha. I have an exciting Friday to spend with two amazing people, Deepak (Tomy) and Casey. I just hope they keep the PDA to a minimum, haha. :D