Letting Go and Reaching Out

I've been thinking about a certain person I know. I don't hate the person. No, I don't think I ever could. I see the person as a friend and a very special friend at that. But now I'm wondering if that friendship is fading. I'm wondering if I've convinced myself to let go. I'm wondering if they see our friendship fading and if they care enough to make it continue.

It wasn't long after I became friends with this person that I started to depend on them. A lot. I still depend on that friend. I bet my dependence on that person is suffocating them, not literally I hope. I'm aware of the dependence I have, which is why I keep telling myself to let go. 

I'm scared now, because I think I might really be letting go. It's not that I don't want to. I mean I guess I want to let go and let my friend breathe for once, but I don't want our friendship to fall apart. It feels like it's doing exactly that and at times I find myself not caring as much. That scares me. I've never been okay with losing a friend. How did I convince myself that I'll be fine with losing them? Half of me has moved on, but the other half is resisting. The other half is trying to make my decided half question everything. And it usually does, but I don't know what will happen now.

I have another friendship thing (I don't want to call it an issue or problem because it's really not) that's been on my mind lately. How do people become friends? I think about this a lot. I don't understand it. I can remember the time period in which I became friends with a person, but I can't remember the exact moment of when I knew that the person and I were friends. Is there a specific moment that friendship happens in? 

There is one person in particular that I want to be friends with or at least a bit closer to. I think I've been reaching out, but friendship takes two people. The other person has to reach out too. But I don't think that person really cares; that person doesn't need me but I want them in my life. I feel like I need to know this person more.

I just don't understand why I care about people that I don't know. I don't know why I want to be friends with certain people over others. I don't know why I can't hold myself back from reaching out. I don't know why I feel like I need certain people in my life. 

Friendship is a strange thing. I wonder if I'll ever be able to understand the concept entirely. I wonder if I'll ever find the answers to these questions.