I don't know how I feel right now. Is boredom a feeling too? I'm not really bored though. I don't know what to call this familiar feeling. It's kind of similar to how I feel when I don't care about anything at all, but that's not what this feeling is. I can't describe it for you.
I've been sitting in my basement for hours, only going upstairs once to catch a glimpse of the sunset. I've been doing math or trying to anyway. I'm not in the mood to do math, but I'm still doing it because I have to. I guess I should correct myself and say that I'm never in the mood for math. I hate it. Yes, I said it. I hate math.
I just typed that with no expression of disgust or dislike at all. I'm honestly just sitting here with a blank stare on my face, listening to random songs, while typing this. I'm trying to make up for my earlier post, but I guess this is not much different from the previous one.
I almost made myself sad today while I was listening to music earlier, but I fought the feeling away. I guess I might be forcing myself to be happy for the last few days of school. I know it will turn into real happiness. Then I will purposefully break and compose myself again and wait for my senior year to begin.
I don't feel like my usual self right now. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I can't put a name to this feeling, if it is even a feeling at all. For all I know, it could be a lack of feeling anything. I don't know why I'm so expressionless. I wonder if this is a continuation of how I was earlier in the day. This post feels almost as worthless as the previous one. I think I'll stop now because I'm only spewing out randomness anyway. I could mention the time I spent with Alley and Taylor this afternoon, but it is pointless to speak about it. I don't want to destroy the memory with such lackluster, lifeless words. I'm done for tonight. Time to finish math.
Side Note:
- I was listening to Evanescence while writing this--"Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken"
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