A Flower Waiting for Death

What am I holding on to? A person? The person's expressions? The memories? 

I guess the better question is why am I holding on? I can't make the person care when I know for a fact that I mean absolutely nothing. Why am I trying to mean something? Why am I trying to reassure myself? Why am I still listening? Why can't I tell whether this person is a true friend or just someone set to hurt me for fun? I don't understand. 

This friendship, it blossomed in spring. Now it's trying to withstand the summer heat. By autumn, it will probably be dead; in fact, I kind of hope for it to be dead. And when winter comes around, it will have vanished entirely. It will be as if it never existed. Would it be better to kill the flower now, instead of waiting for it to gradually shrivel up and die? I wonder.

What prompted this? It was a nice day outside. I was just standing in place and staring around when the thoughts started flowing in. I need to go outside more often and spend time alone so I can think more.