The End of an Era

It's hard to believe that sophomore year is over now, that I'm a junior in college and I still have no idea what I want to do in life. It feels like a lot has changed over the past two years and then almost nothing at all, but I think that's because I haven't made much progress towards any of my goals. I've always been slower than everyone else, I think it's one of my fatal flaws among other things.

Sophomore year of college, Alice says it's the most difficult year of college. I don't think I can say that she's right or wrong just yet, but I do understand why she said that. First semester of sophomore year was pure agony with regards to classes. Three science classes with labs and two gen eds wasn't the best idea. But the first semester was also a lot of fun because I actually did things like going to an apple orchard with friends, seeing shows featuring the ever so talented folks of the conservatory, and sleeping over in Anne and Osinachi's room. First semester was the conference room era, the intense study sessions together...or maybe not so intense because I remember goofing off a lot. It was when I was in the UI almost every single day without fail, including the weekends too. Second semester was very different from that. Our schedules stopped coincided the way they used. I had a smaller load of classes and classwork to worry about and yet it seemed like I was much busier. As stressful as a full schedule is, I think it prompts you to make time for doing fun stuff rather than just happening upon it like this semester. But there was still a lot of good that came out of this semester: me starting to watch Parks and Rec, having my first frappuccino with Lila and Kyle as my witnesses, and pretty much all of Apple Blossom weekend. This semester was the end of an era. Sounds weird saying that now even though I'm only halfway through college, but it's true in a way because of who I'm losing and who I'm gaining and all of the changes that are going to settle into place in the fall. To my three dear friends who are moving on, Leesun, Kyle, and Lila, I wish you the best of luck and I will see you later--although, I really hope that later comes a lot sooner than when I think it will. And to my dear Symone, it's so wonderful to have you back.

I will miss sophomore year for a lot of reasons. There are a lot of good memories that I'm taking away from this academic year. I only hope that junior year is just as much fun.

Break

I know it's been a long time since I last blogged. College is the reason for that. Truthfully, freshman year is a joke compared to sophomore year. My free time has been cut in half since last year. Three science classes is nothing to be taken lightly. Everyone is busier than ever and I don't see some people as often as I used to, partly because of the workload from classes and partly because I'm probably not making the effort. I guess things have changed a little. 

I've definitely been down a lot more as of recently than I've been happy. I don't know what reasons, or excuses, I can give to explain myself so I won't bother with trying to give any. I think that at the same time while I've been brooding, everyone else has been struggling too. Love, friendship, academics, sanity. And in all of my sulking, I haven't been as good to everyone else as they have been to me. I think my own growth has been hindered by the way I've been behaving. 

I suppose I should mention that it's Fall Break right now. Yesterday, I found myself agonizing over my organic chemistry exam to the point where it kind of just made me really sad. I had the chance to see my exam and I really want to kick myself for missing so many easy questions, all of those silly mistakes I made cost me a lot. And so I know that I didn't get an A, but it eats away at me that I probably (hopefully) got a B. After I found out about my exam, I went to sit in BSC and I got to talk Alice before I left. She told me that I wasn't allowed to be productive when I got home so I didn't do anything. I took a nap, tried to watch something, and just let go of school. The conversation that I had with her was one that I was thankful for because it came at the right time. The words that she said were words that I needed to hear. If you keep poking at where it hurts, it's just going to hurt more. Stop poking where it hurts and let it heal. 

In other news, my heartiversary is in 9 days. I hope Monday is a good day. Also, Peggy said that I can be a bone marrow donor. I think I'm going to reconfirm, but I'm excited about that. 

Freshman Year Concludes

I feel cold. I'm sitting by a window so that's to be expected, I guess. Hard to believe that it's supposed to be in the 80's this week. This is my obligatory end of my freshman year of college post. So much has happened in the span of two academic semesters, good and bad. This past week has been rather sad, probably because everyone is leaving. Everyone leaving SU means that everyone who is away will be coming home or is already home though so there is a bright side. 

I've come a long way since the beginning of the year. I hated SU the first few weeks because I felt so alone, but things got better. I made friends throughout the year and those friendships have grown strong. They aren't equivalent to the ones that I have with my friends here at home, but I think they could get there someday. We're still growing after all. We've had some rough patches and there are things that we're still going through, but hand in hand we'll get through all of it. And I won't give up on making things better. 

As far as grades are concerned, I'd love to have all A's this semester. However, I think it's a bit unlikely, which is kind of upsetting. I can't continue being so hard on myself just because I don't get an A in a class. College is a learning experience, but not in terms of the information that we learn. It's a time for us to discover/reinvent ourselves and create bonds with people. Sure, we learn important skills along the way, but the most important things we learn are not necessarily related to academics. I genuinely believe that to be true. 

Here's to the future semesters that will be filled with joy, confusion, sadness, fear, nuisances, and love. I'm ready to start again. 

Embers

Hello there, how are you? I'm doing fairly well. I haven't blogged in quite some time due to life and college and stress and other things of that nature. Last week was spring break and it was absolutely wonderful to be off and not have so much to worry about with regards to homework and studying and going to class. However, this week has probably been the most stressful week of all out of the whole semester so far. A lot of my friends and I have been really high-strung and uptight lately, which is mostly due to a biology project that we're required to present. Speaking of which, I think I messed up my group's performance and probably brought it down because I stumbled and went blank. I'm so glad I decided to make note cards and take them up with me. Before the presentation, I think I was feigning confidence and not being nervous. As soon as it was my turn to speak, I completely lost it for whatever reason. I got through it though and so did my group. I don't feel so guilty, but there is a very slight tinge because I think I was the big problem. But honestly, I don't care because I did what I had to do. I'm not going to sit here and beat myself up over it. As soon as it was done, I left it in the time that it happened. It's in the past now. I realize that the time of the presentation and the overall performance won't matter in the future. It's not going to matter when I'm graduating college.

My Wednesday wasn't destroyed by that presentation though. I saw Gee and everything was just how it should be. Brittany and I caught up with her and filled her in on the gaps. So much time has passed and our lives are really so different, but we're the same with each other as we've always been. A stable friendship, I think it can be called. A stable friendship that I'm glad to have.

And for the rest of the day, I spent my time in one of my favorite ways. I spent it with my friends, talking and laughing, trying to reassure them. I've realized that we've all come so far. Our friendships aren't perfect, nor should they be, but we're making them best of our time together. Trials and tribulations will take place, but I know that we're a strong bunch and that we'll fight against whatever comes our way. We may not always be together, but we're with each other in spirit and reminding each other to keep our heads up.

Note: Here's my nod to the title! The title of this post is Embers, which is a song by Owl City. And for everything that's happened recently, I thought it was fitting. Right now, everyone is fighting their way through college. Whether we realize it or not, we're doing it together. And no matter how many awful days or times that there are, we'll make it to the end of the day. And we'll be shining like the stars that we are. And it will always get better.

Loved

I've been going through a really rough patch lately. It's been more of an emotional roller coaster ride. These days, I mainly feel one of two emotions: happiness or sadness. I keep switching back and forth within hours without meaning to. I don't hate college or the people I've come to befriend, but it's been hard. It's difficult being a commuter. I have days when I feel like I really belong and days when I feel so left out. And no one has bridged the gap.

Yesterday, I saw Lauren and Claire. We went to IHOP. And it felt so good to see them again. Normalcy was temporarily reestablished in those few hours. I was myself, my real self. And today, I spent some much needed time with Lauren, Megan, and Kasey. We mostly just snuggled and cuddled and just talked. We laughed like we used to. I missed the familiarity, the weirdness, and the way I could just be myself. I was happy. Content. At peace. I think it's true when they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

My college friends, I like them very much. But I feel so left out, kind of empty inside, when I'm with some of them. I don't know why I feel like I'm unimportant. I don't know what to do in order to feel like I'm complete. Half of the time when I'm with them, I'm ready to fall apart because I don't feel loved. So, if we're friends and you've been curious about how I've been feeling, this is it. This is what's been eating at me.

I'm glad that I'll be able to see all of my friends properly in a few weeks if I don't see them now. Being able to see them at intervals makes college and our separation bearable. And so, at this point in time, I'm content. I'm content because I've been reunited with some of my favorite people in the whole world. It feels good to be loved by friends and know that it's true.

California

Well, I got back home from California today. And while it feels nice to be back home in Virginia, I already miss California. For those of you wondering why I was in California, I was there for IFL (Institute for Leaders) and the FBLA NLC (National Leadership Conference). I participated in the Healthcare Administration event, which was just a test. Before I talk about the results and all of the sightseeing and Disney and excitement, I'm going to ramble about IFL. 

Institute for Leaders, or IFL, was a two day seminar (or so it says on the FBLA-PBL website) full of motivational talks and workshops. Honestly, IFL was really awkward. It was only awkward because I'm awkward though. I really don't know how to talk to people. I was really fortunate to become friends with someone though, a girl named Jessica from Colorado. I suppose we're more of acquaintances than friends, but I really do want to continue talking to her. Because of Jessica, I realized something important for future reference. During IFL, we had to get up and move around and obtain contact information from people. All of my conversations never surpassed the introductory stage, except my conversation with Jessica. For every 10-15 people or so that I interact with ever so slightly, there will always be someone who is willing to take a step towards me. In the case of IFL, that person was Jessica. Although I briefly talked to a girl from Tennessee named Michelle and a girl named Wendy from Washington, I don't think either of them really thought me as someone to keep in touch with. We were all just trying to survive IFL after all. We did some fun activities in the workshops and I actually learned a good bit about interviews and the like. And of course, we had speakers. Byron V. Garrett was one of our speakers. I really liked what he talked about. My favorite thing that he said during IFL was this: "You fail in life when you try to be someone else." We had our own version of Shark Tank and we got to meet Jason Lucash, a guy who was a contestant on Shark Tank. Jason has his own business called OrigAudio. I could continue into more detail, but my memory is starting to get fuzzy, plus I want to get to the rest of the festivities. 

The National Leadership Conference, or NLC, began on Thursday night (June 27th). I cannot even express how much I've enjoyed opening sessions of FBLA conferences. They always start with such upbeat music, upbeat enough to make someone start dancing. I think the opening session of NLC was one of my favorite parts because Judson Laipply was the keynote speaker. He was funny and inspirational at the same time. I laughed a lot. Judson actually danced at the opening session and it was awesome. I'm a bit behind on some of the cool stuff on YouTube, but you should totally check out the Evolution of Dance on YouTube! Because of Judson, I have discovered the struggle bus. There were lots of jokes made about that. Sometimes we're riding the struggle bus and sometimes we're chasing it. Anyway, NLC got off to a great start. 

We (Mrs. Woodward, Mrs. Good, Meagan, Kayla, Lauren, Mahek, and Gabby) ventured out to Disneyland on Friday evening after those of us who were competing finished with our events. It was pretty much the five of us (Meagan, Kayla, Lauren, Mahek, and I) the whole time on Friday. We went on a few rides in the main park, but didn't really get to the roller coasters. That was remedied on Saturday. We spent all day at Disneyland Adventure Park on Saturday. Needless to say, my feet hurt. We covered a lot of what we wanted to cover in the park on Saturday. We even got to see the World of Color show that night, which was cool. It was pretty late when we got back. I should add that we walked to and from Disney on Friday AND Saturday. Disney was fun, but draining at the same time. 

Sunday was somewhat boring and depressing. We had our regional voting session on Sunday morning, which took forever and was kind of boring. We went to Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. on Santa Monica Pier. I got to keep my light up plastic glass. We didn't have much to spend there since the drive there took forever. We missed our state photograph, but we were just in time for the awards ceremony/closing session. I was sitting there in anticipation until it came time for my event. I was so anxious about the results. Unfortunately, I didn't place in my event. And I won't lie, I did cry. I was upset that I didn't place. I still am a little upset. At the same time though, I did something amazing. Not everyone makes it to nationals on their first try. I should be proud of myself, but I don't know if I am. Yes, it's true that I left California with a slight regret, but I feel like this experience serves as a reminder to me that there will always be someone who performs better than I do. If I hadn't been pushed into taking that test some months ago, I never would have had this experience. And for that, I am grateful. After my event passed, it was pretty difficult to get through the rest of the ceremony because I didn't have a specific name that I was looking for. It was kind of funny to see the reactions of the people who placed. Some guy was really grumpy for whatever reason and basically snatched his award without a second glance. I wonder what his problem was. Another guy hugged the national officer who presented the award to him, which was funny because I don't think that the guys even knew each other, haha. 

The end of the closing session was dramatic and heartfelt. It was dramatic because they announced the next FBLA National President as well as the other officers; I was disappointed that Nick didn't win. I mean, I might be biased since he's from my state, but he's so brilliant and I really think he had the best speaking skills out of all of the candidates. Of course, I don't mean to say that Cole is the wrong choice, I just felt that Nick was better suited. I wish Cole all the best as the FBLA National President and I hope his experience is one that stays with him all through his life. The most heartfelt moment of the entire session occurred at the end. Each of the national officers, with the exception of Nikitas (former FBLA National President), stared directly at the crowd with voice-overs in the background. They didn't actually speak. It was meant to be as though you were listening in on their thoughts. They all looked like they were going to cry. I'm pretty sure they all teared up to some extent and/or tried their very best not to. As I was saying, the most heartfelt moment was when CJ (former FBLA National Treasurer) made the effort to stand up from his wheelchair. And on either side of him was a fellow officer holding him steady. Everyone in the convention center stood up then and there clapping and cheering. And me, I actually cried because of how moved I was. FBLA is an organization that stands for a lot of things, but I think what some people neglect to see or are incapable of seeing is that at the core of FBLA there is teamwork, support, determination, and perseverance. 

Since Sunday was somewhat boring and stressful, the five of us (Meagan, Kayla, Lauren, Mahek, and I) walked to IHOP for dinner after the awards/closing session was over. We just went crazy. I think it's because we were restricted from acting up for so long that we just let loose. I've never had such an amazing IHOP experience as I did on Sunday night. And it will be a long time before I have one that's just as crazy and funny. We laughed so much and so loudly that I'm almost certain some people were annoyed with us. I'm still amazed that we didn't get kicked out. That's how crazy we were. It was fun though. 

Honestly, I have gained so much from my FBLA experience, a lot more than I ever thought I would. Whenever Nikitas (former FBLA National President) spoke, he came across as calm, collected, and professional. I'm just so amazed that someone who is my age like Nikitas (or someone who is younger like Nick) can be well spoken. I know that I have the potential to be a good speaker, it just depends on how much I want it. I've been so inspired by all that has happened with FBLA this past week that I've decided to TRY starting up a PBL chapter at Shenandoah University. I think it's weird that SU doesn't have a PBL chapter. If I can follow through with my idea and round up enough support, SU will have a PBL chapter. Why do I sound so determined? I'm not ready to let this kind of experience fade away, especially when I can keep it going. I know that starting up a chapter will be difficult. I actually don't even know how to start one up but I have resources to help me do so. I know I can do this. 

(EDIT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I'M SO FUNNY. I lost my interest and desire in accomplishing this before I even got a few weeks into college. Sorry, it wasn't for me.)

California was great. We got to see the Hollywood sign, Beverly Hills, and the LA Film School. I'm glad to be home, but I do miss California. I miss all of the FBLA madness. I had such a good time. I don't know if I could ever live in California, but I'd like to go back. I'd like to walk those streets again and reminisce. Maybe someday I'll say goodbye to Virginia, but that day if it ever does come is far in the future. It's all just a musing for now. Thank you, California, for being so wonderful. 

One last thing though, before IFL ended, we sang a pretty fitting song together. Have a listen. :)

 

"I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan. Welcome to the land of fame excess, whoa, am I gonna fit in? I jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time. Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign."  -- Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

(Yeah, we went there! And I'm so glad we sang along to this song, because now I have a connection to it. I've been to LAX and seen the Hollywood sign!)

Fall Out Boy's My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark was played a few times. Also, as we left the convention center after the awards/closing session ended, I was able to fully get back to myself while singing along to #thatPOWER by will.i.am as we made our way to the exit. (I only know Justin Bieber's part though, not will.i.am's.) During the awards ceremony, they mostly used an instrumental of will.i.am's Scream and Shout. It felt like a runway show. They used an instrumental of Ellie Goulding's Lights and Swedish House Mafia's Don't You Worry Child somewhere during the awards/closing session. 

FBLA is cool. That's all you need to know. 

Note: I left a lot of details out. I forgot to mention a lot of different things. I've probably forgotten some things already, but I can only remember so much. Anyway, I think you get the idea. I had a good time. 

EDIT: My interest and "passion" for FBLA-PBL has since fizzled out. It was a good ride, FBLA, and I thank you for it. Sorry PBL, I just don't have the time or the interest. 

Birthday Reflection

I turned 18 years old on April 13th. The way I spent my 18th birthday was so different from all of the rest of my birthdays as far as I can remember anyway. I mean, I definitely did some special things for previous birthdays, but my 18th birthday was different. It was the first birthday that I didn't spend all day, or even most of the day, with my family. 

On Saturday, instead of going out to eat for my birthday or being with my family for the majority of the day, I was at the FBLA State Conference. Quite honestly, I was happy for the change of experience. I love my family so very much, but it was just a nice change of pace to spend most of my birthday with other people besides them. (I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.) I really felt like an adult on Saturday. 

So, I'm going to run through my Saturday with what I can remember. I might put some events in the wrong order, but I'll do my best to not do that. So, I woke up early on Saturday to get ready for the conference. I got to the Hyatt a little bit before 8 and basically freaked out because I thought my event was early in the morning. Eventually, after roaming around for 10 minutes or so, I found Mrs. Woodward and all was well. Although, I did spam Casey's phone quite successfully while I was in my panicked state. I hung out around Mrs. Woodward until the crew arrived. Then we pretty much just explored the hotel a little bit. We found a piano, but I didn't get the chance to "play" it. Caleb went off for his event. We roamed around some more, Casey went for her event, then a group of us sat down to listen to one of the leadership presentations. It was rather boring to be honest. The people next door to us were having a good time though, but that room was packed! Got out of the leadership presenation and walked around some more with Jordan and Caroline. We stumbled upon Mrs. Strosnider and Cassy, who was practicing for her event. Stood around and chatted some more until Caroline and I went for our events. Coincidentally, Cristian was at the conference too so he approached me and said Happy Birthday, which was sweet. Caroline and I came back from our event. She left for lunch and I probably just talked and walked around with some people after that until Jordan left for his event and came back. Caleb got pretty obsessed with the raffle during that time, haha. When he finished up, the four of us (Casey, Jordan, Caleb, and I) ventured half a mile to Five Guys and half a mile back to the hotel. It was unbelievably nice to walk to Five Guys and back. After coming back to the hotel, we found out that Cassy hadn't gone yet. We had our ice cream social at three. (I didn't have any ice cream though! They all sang Happy Birthday to me though, which was embarrassing and sweet at the same time!) By that time, Cassy had gone in to do her event and finished up fairly quickly. Kayla, Meagan, Casey and I were hanging out outside and chatting. Then we all went down to Panera. Angela and VP Jordan joined us later. We blew two hours just sitting there in Panera talking, lazing around, and playing games on Cassy's iPad. I finally decided that I had enough of sitting around and doing nothing so I successfully dragged Meagan, Casey, VP Jordan, and Cassy to explore the shops around the hotel. We went to the Apple Store first. After that, we went to Paper Source, courtesy of myself. Then we waltzed into a Thai restaurant for dinner where Casey and I shared dinner. I think it was Meagan's first time having Thai food. Cassy fell in love with the mango ice cream. We got back to the hotel and ventured into the Panera (all of us except for Meagan, I believe) to go and sit with Caleb, Jordan, and Caroline, who all had such a good time to bond that it made me jealous. I just wanted those three to love me, haha. We sat in there and talked until it was time for us to go upstairs for the awards ceremony. Beginning of the awards ceremony consisted of blasting music for a good 10-15 minutes at least. At one point, Cassy stood up and started dancing, which caught the attention of so many people that she went out into the aisle with two other people (one guy and one girl) and the three of them just danced. It was crazy and hilarious. It took forever to get through all of it and we all got pretty restless. Five of us managed to place for states. Cassy took 5th in her event, Casey took 4th in hers, Jordan took 3rd in his, Kayla and Meagan took 2nd in theirs, and I somehow grasped 1st in my own. 

I was really shocked to have won first. My heart was pounding as I listened for my name to be called to the holding area. I went up on stage with four other people. The lights were so blinding and I couldn't see far out into the audience for my crew. I listened intently as the names were called. It finally came down to second and first place. When my name wasn't called for second, I sort of stood there in disbelief with a dumbfounded expression. I couldn't believe that I actually took first. For the first time in my life, I had won something and it wasn't just an individual accomplishment. It was recognition for Sherando too. I was so happy. 

The State Conference really did turn out to be such a great way to spend my birthday. I'm so fortunate to have had the chance to attend. I hope more underclassmen join up in FBLA and compete in events. If I can win something, then there is no doubt that they can work hard and win too. (Although, I didn't really work hard. I barely studied for both tests and still managed it. I guess I have more school smarts and common sense than I give myself credit for.) I felt so confident on my birthday while I was at the conference. Yes, I did worry about the way I looked a couple of times, but it was so fleeting. I was glowing with excitement and self-approval way before the awards ceremony. I just felt so free. It was nice to spend time with people that I'm not usually with. It was really nice. 

After everything was all over, my brother, Shaun, picked me up and drove to our brother's (Rehaan) house; Aisha was already there. I received birthday flowers, two birthday cards (one from Shaun and one that was probably purchased by Aisha but signed by everyone), and lots of love. We did the cake even though it was late. I knew that they used a trick candle because I saw it spark. It was pretty funny. We all had cake, except for Farah. Aisha had bought me some cheesecake from Whole Foods or wherever and I ate half of that too. I ate pretty poorly on my birthday, but still had a fantastic day overall. I was pretty happy.

WHY?

People think I'm innocent and sweet. Some think I don't know what they really do, but I do. I'm not that stupid. Others have told me of their experiences and habits in such casual tones. And all I really want to know is WHY?

Why is being a drinker and/or a marijuana lover socially accepted? Why is it okay? 

Back in my junior year, I sort of began to not care what people did. At the same time though, I wished nothing more than for them to stop. Now, I'm back at the stance I started out on. I just want people to stop, but I know they won't.

Apparently, it's fun to get drunk and high. I wouldn't know though. I don't care to know. It's not my idea of a fun time.

Why do I sound so worried and/or ticked off? Because people I care about do this crap. I get it, it's fun for them. It's something they like, so they do it. It's a tool for some to get away from people, stress, and real life. I get it. But at the same time, no...I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

Tell me, how am I supposed to react when one of my best friends announces to me that she drinks? What do I say to the guy who's okay with getting high just because he made a promise to a bunch of other people to do so? And what about the girl I've known since forever who does both of these things?

I know, I bet I sound like I'm overreacting. Some people would tell me to mind my own business and let people do what they want to do. Believe me when I say that's what I've done and sometimes it makes me feel disgusted with myself.

A few friends and I have this joke that I'll be their designated driver when we're all 21. It's just a joke that comes up from time to time. It doesn't particularly bother me, but I don't want it to be reality.

Part of me has been saying that if something happens to one of my friends because of their choices, I might be there, but I won't be kind. If something terrible happens to any of them, I want them to know that. Sure, even this part of me would be sad if a friend died because of this stuff, but this side is also saying that they deserved it.

I'll never understand why people will throw away their lives when they have so much potential. There are so many others who deserve to live.

I'm annoyed. I'm worried. I'm angry. I hate this. I'm indifferent about this. I'm overreacting. I don't care. I do care. I'm not making sense.

And yes, if I sound like I don't know anything, it's because I don't.

I'm just...I don't even know.

Let me see how many other friends of mine I'll discover as having this kind of a life.

EDIT: I need to calm down...geez, younger me. People will do what they want to do. 

Labor Day Weekend

I had a fairly nice weekend. I went to my brother's (Rehaan) house on Friday night. Nothing too special happened on Friday night, except for having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I spent my Saturday doing nothing of particular interest or fun until the afternoon and the evening. My sister-in-law, Farah, and I watched some Ugly Betty together. Love that show! We met my sister, Aisha, at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner; it was my first time going there. After that, my sister and I went to Macy's where I got my first pair of Levi's; I actually got 3 pairs of high rise Levi's and they feel incredible. On Sunday, we (my dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, my sister, and I) went to ISNA. The bazaar was insane. Muslims are crazy, or rather "Muslims be crazy" (thanks Deepak). I rode the metro for the very first time and it made me think of 5 Centimeters Per Second. Back at my brother's house that night, Farah, Aisha, and I watched Ugly Betty and The Princess Bride. And that takes us to today, which was somewhat fun since I met up with Lauren and Kasey. 

That's my brief explanation of my weekend. It went better than I expected. 

Hiiiii

Hiiiiiii guys! I felt like writing something. I don't write as frequently as I used to. I was full of things to say back in May for some reason, but not so much anymore. I think that's due to the fact that it's summer and I haven't been in school. Well, sort of.

I'm actually in school. As you all should know by now from all of my lovely complaining, I'm in two math classes. I just finished my last test for my online math class. If I'm lucky, my average will be an 85 and I'll be exempt from my final...but it doesn't look like that's happening. I'm pretty sure I just lost my 4.0 GPA. As for my other class, which is not online, I'm behind. I need to do some heavy work for that class tomorrow. I'm getting an incomplete for the class, but hopefully I'll finish it off with an A of some sort. It'll help balance out my devastating grade that I'll probably be receiving in my online half of Pre-Cal. I guess I deserve the upcoming demotion in GPA since I didn't work hard enough in math. Look at me, I'm being so negative. Well, at least I'm myself.

Besides math, I haven't been up to much. I went to Lauren's house today. Megan came over and we basically just sat on the couch. We really didn't do anything, but it was nice to be with them. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see Casey on Thursday. She's definitely coming over one of these days before school starts. Claire and I are planning a picnic or trying to. I haven't seen Sarah and Brittany, but will hopefully catch them again before school starts. Well, I guess it doesn't matter since I'll be seeing them around. You don't get rid of those two that easily, or rather I won't ever be free of those two. I don't want to be free of them. I'm strangely more creative and imaginative around those two than anyone else. Alley and Taylor, I have a good feeling that I'll see them a couple more times this summer. Kasey fell off the planet, like she does every summer, and magically reappeared so I should be seeing her soon. As for Matthew, Elizabeth, and Paul...well, we always say we're going to see each other over the summer and then we only see each other once. I need to start making some plans to see people. That must have been boring for you to read, sorry for that. Well, at least you know that I'll be making plans and trying to stay busy.

Thanks to the Valcyte I've been taking, my CMV copies have decreased. The initial amount of copies made me laugh because there were so many and now there aren't nearly as many. As much as I hate taking medicine, it's always been a small price for me to pay even though it never feels like it. I wasn't meant to be whatever "normal" is in terms of health.

In other news, I'm close to finishing season three of Merlin. I'm being driven crazy by my peers who are looking at colleges and getting accepted to colleges. I know I should be doing the same, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. I already know where I'm probably headed. I have to do what's convenient for my father and my siblings, at least for now. When I figure out what I really want, I'll be sure to go for it. That old dream of walking through Johns Hopkins as doctor and not a patient is suddenly drifting back to me, but do I want it that badly? I don't know yet.

Stuff

It's been a few days since I've shared so I guess I'll scrape together some stuff to say now. Summer is boring and fun like it always has been. There have been fun days and boring days. I don't know how I ever got through the previous summer. Summer feels like it'll never end, but I know that time will start passing quickly now that I've said that.

Alley and Taylor came over on Tuesday and Thursday. On Tuesday, we watched some Nabari no Ou and part of Mulan. On Thursday, they brought some video games just to show me what they were. We finished Mulan, chatted, and lazed around. I felt kind of bad because I'm extremely boring. 

SAT scores came back. True to my feeling, I did improve, but only by the slightest bit. I just keep wasting money. I'm not expecting anything great to come out of my third try, but it would be nice to not feel like such an incompetent fool. In addition to SAT scores, report cards came too. My GPA is finally what I've wanted it to be, but I suspect that's only because I was enrolled in four classes for my junior year. I need to maintain my GPA, it's all I have going for me. What's so great about having a high GPA though? Why do I feel like I need it? Did I want it for me or to impress someone else? 

Anyway, I've started to talk to a few of my cousins again, via Skype and Yahoo Messenger. I stayed up until almost two in the morning chatting with them. I went over to my aunt's house yesterday and today. I absolutely love her cooking. While I was at my aunt's house today, I realized something: I don't like curry; the little person inside my head laughed at that thought because the only reason I remembered that little fact was because my aunt had made curry. After eating, I went upstairs with Rabia and we played Uno. Usama came in and every now and then to talk. I found humor in a lot of what he said so I started laughing. He finally noticed that I laugh very easily. Sumyya came in after a while and turned on the TV. We (Sumyya, Rabia, and I) ended up watching almost two episodes of How I Met Your Mother. It's a funny show. 

I'd like to add that I've been on Netflix quite a bit...and I started watching Pretty Little Liars not too long ago. Don't judge. I just like the drama and ridiculousness of it all, plus it's kind of interesting to me. Basically, I'm trying to make it sound like I don't really like it when I actually do. Don't be disappointed in me, pleaseeee. In addition to that, I started watching Avatar: The Last Airbender today. I should have watched that show when my cousin told me to, he was right about it being a good show. I've been on Netflix way too much, but I can't help it. It's all I feel like doing to pass the time. I think that's why I'm getting dumber...okay, I'm done for now. Later!

"How was round two?"

Today was my second attempt at the infamous SAT. In all honesty, I want to say that I feel like I did better this time, but I'm forcing myself to think negatively just in case I didn't improve all that much. I feel like myself today. I can't explain why I was so different yesterday. I guess I get like that sometimes. Right now, I'm pretty content and satisfied. 

I saw so many Sherando kids this morning: Loganne (she sat right in front of me), Derek, Cody V., Tobias, Alexa, Hubert, Cody J., Chris, Libby, Casey, Julia, Megan, Kasey, Sidney, Kyle, Jon...and lots more. It felt nice to have Loganne sitting in front of me. Her presence was comforting. It felt really nice once we were finished, because right after we got outside I found Alexa, Andrew, Chris, Cody J., and Hubert. I chatted with them about things like SAT scores, movies, and the Florida incident; Libby joined in a little bit later after it was only Alexa, Andrew, and I left. And then I found Casey, haha.

It was really nice to talk to Andrew in person; he's just as awesome as I knew he would be. Alexa might have made my day when she asked if we were still on for the movies next weekend. I'm so glad she remembered. It just felt great to see so many familiar faces.

James Wood is a really great school, at least it feels that way. I felt so calm there. I wasn't as nervous as I was when I went to Clarke County. Sure, James Wood isn't Sherando, but it still gave me a welcoming feeling, like I could have a place there if I ever went there. And the lockers are blue so that's a plus. 

I'm in a good mood right now despite the fact that I still have an English paper to write and some other school related things to do. I know that I have a good night ahead of me. Tonight will be a night full of video games and fun with really great friends. It's a good Saturday so far and it's only going to get better from here.

Side Note:

- "How was round two?" was asked by Chris

- I hugged Alexa, Chris, Libby, and Casey today; Hubert rejected me (sad face) and I didn't attempt to hug Andrew
- Gov school kids, you gotta love 'em!