WHY?

People think I'm innocent and sweet. Some think I don't know what they really do, but I do. I'm not that stupid. Others have told me of their experiences and habits in such casual tones. And all I really want to know is WHY?

Why is being a drinker and/or a marijuana lover socially accepted? Why is it okay? 

Back in my junior year, I sort of began to not care what people did. At the same time though, I wished nothing more than for them to stop. Now, I'm back at the stance I started out on. I just want people to stop, but I know they won't.

Apparently, it's fun to get drunk and high. I wouldn't know though. I don't care to know. It's not my idea of a fun time.

Why do I sound so worried and/or ticked off? Because people I care about do this crap. I get it, it's fun for them. It's something they like, so they do it. It's a tool for some to get away from people, stress, and real life. I get it. But at the same time, no...I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

Tell me, how am I supposed to react when one of my best friends announces to me that she drinks? What do I say to the guy who's okay with getting high just because he made a promise to a bunch of other people to do so? And what about the girl I've known since forever who does both of these things?

I know, I bet I sound like I'm overreacting. Some people would tell me to mind my own business and let people do what they want to do. Believe me when I say that's what I've done and sometimes it makes me feel disgusted with myself.

A few friends and I have this joke that I'll be their designated driver when we're all 21. It's just a joke that comes up from time to time. It doesn't particularly bother me, but I don't want it to be reality.

Part of me has been saying that if something happens to one of my friends because of their choices, I might be there, but I won't be kind. If something terrible happens to any of them, I want them to know that. Sure, even this part of me would be sad if a friend died because of this stuff, but this side is also saying that they deserved it.

I'll never understand why people will throw away their lives when they have so much potential. There are so many others who deserve to live.

I'm annoyed. I'm worried. I'm angry. I hate this. I'm indifferent about this. I'm overreacting. I don't care. I do care. I'm not making sense.

And yes, if I sound like I don't know anything, it's because I don't.

I'm just...I don't even know.

Let me see how many other friends of mine I'll discover as having this kind of a life.

EDIT: I need to calm down...geez, younger me. People will do what they want to do.