Pi Day

Well...Tomy blogged and Sam has blogged. So methinks I should blog too. Hi!

Today is Pi Day (3.14)! Unfortunately, I didn't have pie today, but would have liked to. Instead, my Calculus classmates and I were given a test, which I'm certain I failed badly. I made up a Calculus quiz that I had been dreading for the longest time ever. I'm sure I made a few mistakes, probably more. I felt pretty good about it, but I know I shouldn't since that probably means I failed. I have zero confidence when it comes to Calculus, or math in general these days. 

The rest of the day went fine. I felt horrible during second block, but it's no different than usual. Calculus always makes me feel. It's rare if I ever feel good after Calculus. Although, I did manage to get a bit of work done in Web Tech, which was a pleasant surprise. It seems that I will be back on track by next week. Nothing really special happened for the rest of the school day. 

After school was a different story. After my quiz, I went to the library to see what Book Club was up to since Sarah and Libby suggested that I drop by. Well, the Book Club meeting was just ending. (I always wanted to be part of Book Club and still do.) I was surprised to see that Joel was a member. I never knew that he was so it was a really nice discovery. I was also surprised at his demeanor. He was exceptionally kind and eloquent. It's always amazing to me when I'm able to hold a conversation with someone that I rarely talk to or associate with. Joel, Morgan, and I are so cool that we discussed our favorite pie in honor of Pi Day. We're cool. 

Not much else to report on my end for now. I'm really excited for tomorrow though: Beware the Ides of March. (Joel and Morgan understand my excitement.)

There will be an update of all the things I've been watching (and maybe even reading) in the next few days or week to come. Netflix is fun! :D

An Update of All Things Netflix, Anime, and Manga

By the sound of this blog post, everyone will be aware of just how much time I've been procrastinating. Anyway, I have a lot to update on. I think I'll start with the Asian stuff first. 

Okay. Korean dramas. I finished watching 49 Days, which was absolutely gorgeous and so well done. It had an amazing story line and I just loved the idea of it. It was extremely depressing and made me cry. It had numerous themes: life, death, love, friendship, betrayal, etc. The main character died when it wasn't her time and was given a second chance to live again by inhabiting the body of a woman and trying to find three people who truly love her, outside of her family. Her goal was to collect tears from those three people. It made me wonder about who truly loves me, outside of my family. It made me think about life and death a lot more. It made me curious about what true love feels like. 

I've also watched and finished You're Beautiful and Heartstrings, both of which star Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa. In all honesty, while I did enjoy You're Beautiful, I liked Heartstrings much more. I really enjoy shows where the relationship between the main girl and the main guy is one of dislike. And then as time passes, the relationship begins to blossom into something more and the characters realize they have feelings for the other. I wonder if that ever happens in real life. Anyway, both dramas involved music. I think the reason why I liked Heartstrings more was in part due to the fact that Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa's characters get a second chance at love. It also felt more comfortable and easier to relate to since it developed in a college setting. Although, I did like how all three guys end up falling for Park Shin-hye's character in You're Beautiful. Still, Heartstrings moved me more. 

I don't ever usually watch anything outside of Korean stuff, when it comes to dramas and movies, but I somehow ended up watching a Taiwanese movie called Miao Miao. I actually really liked it. It wasn't an action movie. It was a soft movie with the major themes being friendship and love. It was sweet and bitter at the same time, a nice depiction of the beginning of the emotional journey that is life. 

I'm currently in the process of watching a Japanese movie called Rainbow Song. I really like it. It makes me sad inside though, because it's basically one of those movies where a guy and a girl who are friends end up falling for each other and neither one has the courage to say that they care about the other. Then, they lose their chance forever. I haven't actually finished it yet, but it makes me regret not saying, "I love you" when I should have, especially in the moment when I knew that I'd never get the chance to say it again. 

Onto anime now. I haven't actually been watching anything as of recently since I've been so focused on K-dramas. I did discover that one of my friends from camp, Breanne, likes anime too. That makes me happy because I can add one more thing that the two of us have in common. :)

As for manga, I recently finished After School Nightmare. It was interesting and different than the usual stuff. I liked it. I read and finished Legal Drug and started the ongoing continuation of it called Drug & Drop. I also started Blood C. I love my CLAMP! Watanuki shows up in D&D. I was so happy! I love Watanuki. Kohaku, from Kobato, also appears. It makes me very happy to see them. 

While I have been watching the K-dramas and movies on Netflix, I've been watching a couple of TV shows. One of them is a Canadian cartoon called Ruby Gloom, which I absolutely love. It's a gothic style cartoon, but the main character Ruby Gloom is so positive. The show is really funny. I'm glad that not that many people know about it, but it still makes me sad though, because people won't get to experience the awesomeness that is Ruby Gloom. 

And now for the grand finale! A little while back ago, I thought I'd check out Doctor Who. I finished the third episode of the first season recently. I'm currently asking myself why I wasn't watching it before. I really really enjoy it. It's amazing. I'm glad my curiosity got the best of me. I found a treasure and I'm not backing out now.

I haven't finished Merlin yet, even though it's over and done with. I also haven't finished a couple of Korean dramas, Summer Scent and Autumn in My Heart. Right now though, I want to focus on Doctor Who. 

Yes...this is what my spare time consists of. Don't judge me. 

People

People are strange. They are never what you expect them to be. I should know that by now. I'm amazed and fascinated with the people around me. I feel so much for them, especially for the ones who are struggling with something. How have they managed to be strong for so long? People think I'm strong, but compared to the people I've met, I feel as though I pale in comparison. 

People hide so much. They keep so much inside. It's just not healthy. I worry for some of the people that I know. What's going to happen to them when they break? I can't let them break. The sad truth is that when some people break, they can never pull themselves back together. I don't want that to happen to anyone. 

I want people to realize that I do care. Yes, I'll admit that I am a nosy person and I'm extremely curious, but I'm not crude and heartless. I don't give good advice, or rather I suck at it. But I'm always willing to listen. It makes me feel good to hear other people talk about what they are dealing with. It puts things into perspective for me. 

I just want to help people. I don't know how I can, but I want to nonetheless. I want people to trust me. I want to be one of the "good guys." 

Farewell

Mr. McKenzie 

A man I never knew,

A teacher I never had,

A man loved by many,

Whose years were so few.

Today, during last block, those who were at Sherando learned of Mr. McKenzie's death. Mr. McKenzie was a social studies teacher at Sherando. And now, he is gone. I have no emotional attachment to him whatsoever, but his death is still saddening. It's strange to think that my classmates and I will never see Mr. McKenzie again, right at the end of sociology, and the school day, on Day 2s. It's weird because his classroom is right across from Mr. Walker's and we used to see him every other day. He was there last week and that's part of why it's so shocking. I didn't know him, but I knew of his existence. He was here.

Mr. McKenzie even came into our class one day to help Mr. Walker with a psychology/sociology related experiment. We were supposed to state in detail what Mr. McKenzie had been wearing and what he did while in the room. I don't even remember much anymore. I could have sworn that the tie he was wearing at the time was patterned, but it wasn't. His tie was a plain green. He spoke to one of my classmates, opened the blinds, erased something from the whiteboard, and supposedly saluted before he left the classroom. I'm sure I'm missing something, but I can't remember anything more. 

By 4 o'clock, there were very few people left at school. I feel like that rare occurrence had, in some part, to do with Mr. McKenzie's death. And so the school was deserted, like a ghost town. Even the sky looked gloomy, like it wanted to cry. It's weird to say or think that he is gone. 

I don't know the cause of his death. I've heard rumors all around. Even if those rumors are true, I won't take back these words. I will not be one to judge Mr. McKenzie in who he was and how he lived. That's not my place.

Farewell, Mr. McKenzie. Sherando will miss you. 

May your beautiful soul rest in peace. 

  

It's Been A While

I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. Life has been pretty busy for me. It's starting to calm down a bit though. Let me catch you up. 

First, I think we'll start with school. School is getting really bothersome. I have senioritis. I like my high school, but I'm done with it. I'm ready to move on. I'm sure I'll miss it, but I'll come back someday. As for my performance in school right now, I'm doing well in everything except for physics and calculus. Although, I am making waves in calculus by getting help. It took me a long time to try to get help, but it's not too late for me. I'm still struggling with it, but I know I can get back up to where I should be. As for physics, it's completely beyond me. 

Now for my extracurricular activities. I haven't been going to MAT, but I hope to return this week. It's been so long and I miss the kids a lot. I hope they still remember me. FBLA is going well, don't have much to report there. ACADEMIC TEAM! Oh, how I love Academic Team. We've done really well for the season and next up is districts. This past week, we had three former members come to see matches: Elizabeth, Deepak, and Abhinav. It was really nice. As for NHS, I am making waves by trying to get a couple of big projects kick-started in spite of not being an official officer. In all honesty, I probably should have been an FBLA and NHS officer. I do have one regret in regards to extracurricular activities, I wish I had gone for Academic Team in my sophomore year like Mrs. Adams-Legge told me to. I think that's probably one of my biggest regrets of my high school years. 

Life in general is good, I suppose. My health has been fine, except that I've gained weight. I definitely plan on doing something about that. It's nice outside today so I'm going to go on a walk eventually and listen to music with my big headphones. I also have homework to do as well, unfortunately. 

I went for a walk yesterday and took some pictures. The pictures I took were of the street signs. I felt kind of sad. I'm eventually going to be moving from this little town of Stephens City. I've never lived anywhere else in my life. And even though there is nothing special to do here, I'm still attached to this place. I lived my whole life here. I don't want to forget this place. My house...I can't imagine it ever being sold, but it's going to happen eventually. I don't know if I can handle that. Towards the end of my slow walk, I started listening to Regina Spektor's 'The Call' repeatedly. 

                                                              "The Call"

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

I probably have more that I'm forgetting to say, but this will do for now. I'm already starting to feel sad again. 

Dragonfly Retreat

I just had one of the most amazing weekends of my entire life, one of the best actually. I went to the Dragonfly Heart Camp Retreat at NorthBay in Maryland. I didn't realize that this weekend would make me feel so much better and hopeful. I met other heart transplant recipients, a lung transplant recipient, and pulmonary hypertension patients, in addition to some medical personnel. I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend. I can't even express how amazing it was for me and for my new friends. 

I knew that there were other transplant recipients running around somewhere, but I never could find them...until now. I met people who are more than 5 years out of transplant, even 15 years and more. It was incredible. It gives me hope for the future. I'm not a statistic. No one gets to tell me that because I'm a transplant recipient I'll only live for a certain amount of time, because of the people I met. 

I'm not going to be able to say everything that I want to say, but I'm going to at least try to say some more. I just have so much to say about this weekend. We all learned something and had the chance to discuss a lot of things. It was nice to be around people who understand me because they've been there. They know how it feels and so I don't have to feel alone in the world anymore. I have a strong support team now with people who truly do understand what it's like. This experience has made me stronger. I now take my medicine without my applesauce. I refuse to go back to it because if my friends can take theirs without something like that, then I can too. 

While at camp, I found myself starting to think 'Wow, your life was so much worse than mine,' but then I realized that we've all had it tough and that includes me too. I can't say that their experience is worse than mine or that they feel more pain than I do. We've all had it rough, but it's made us so much stronger and all the more motivated. We are inspirations to each other, because each one of us has fought their own fight and still continues to move on and push for another day to live. We all have a purpose in life. 

Feelings aside, this was an extremely fun filled weekend. There was ziplinig, the swing, rock climbing, indoor bonfires, smores, playing ping pong, table hockey, and pool, and just having fun with each other. The girls and I stayed up the second night to talk. It was a lot of fun. 

My thoughts are all over the place. I really miss camp. I miss my friends. I miss being able to take medicine with other people. I miss doing all of those fun activities. I miss having breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. I miss the story telling and the crafts. I miss everything. And I am a little sad, but I know that I'll see everyone again. Even if I don't, they're always with me because of the special bond we've created. No one can break that. Together, we are stronger. I'm not alone. 

It was a life changing experience.

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"Five heart transplant recipients, ten souls" - Derek 

"Shit's about to hit the fan" - Bre (She said something like this, haha)

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Link to a compilation of pictures and a video from Dragonfly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljytvb264JU

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I've dubbed Johns Hopkins as JHOP since Children's Hospital of Philadelphia is shortened to CHOP. :)

The Tournament

Yeah, so the tournament at Woodgrove. Mixed feelings about that. Today, seven of the Sherando Academic Team members (Haley, Catherine, Meron, Matthew, Angela, Quinton, and I), in addition to two of our three coaches (Daniel and Mr. Davis), set out to have some fun and practice. It certainly was good practice...my head hurts now.

The seven of us were split into two teams: Varsity and JV. Guess which I was made captain of...yeah, the JV team, which consisted of me, Angela, and Quinton. The three of us played four rounds as opposed to the five rounds that the varsity team (Haley, Catherine, Meron, and Matthew) played. We got murdered in the first match against Loudon's varsity team. We improved in the next match against James Wood, but still lost. (Keep in mind, James Wood was a varsity team as well.) The third match we played was against Loudon's JV team and we beat them. I was proud of us. It was the three of us versus four people and we actually won. It was still a close game though. Then we played against Battlefield in our last match and lost. It was 140-105 to Battlefield. We made it in Quinton's margin of 40 points in losing. Now, Sherando's varsity team won third with James Wood at second and Loudon at first.

I'm happy about today, but I'm also utterly depressed. I was disappointed that I couldn't be on the varsity team for Sherando. I have an extreme inferiority complex so I felt like I wasn't good enough. Losing against three varsity teams as a JV team doesn't help either. We were close against JW and Battlefield, but it's still disappointing.

On the way back, I purposefully put in my headphones and stared out of one of the open windows diagonal from me. I was listening to some Japanese music, some good stuff. That's when my confidence level fell. I know, I'm too dramatic. Daniel, Haley, and Angela tried to get my attention. I was testing myself to see if I would break. Surprisingly, I didn't. When we were very close or pretty much at Sherando, I told Daniel that I noticed. Then there came a question of wondering if I was okay. Yeah, I'm okay, guys...I'm okay. I just wish I was one of those quick learning people that doesn't have to work to an extreme to be good at something.

I had a lot of fun though. I'm at least proud that we were strong enough to hold off Loudon's four member JV team with only three of us.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should even try at all. Will I even get to play in the regular season? I'm guessing that if I do, then it will be sparingly. Time to get used to cheering on the sidelines where I belong. Okay, I'm being annoying...sorry. I did have fun. That should be what's most important, right? After all, the first real match is against JW and that's when we have to bring our 'A' game.

Blue eyes,
Blue skies,
I concede to you. 


EDIT: Why am I so annoying? Ugh, younger me sounds so silly. Get it together, you're not half as bad of a person as you feel you are.