She drove me home from school today. It was the very first time she's ever driven me anywhere of actual distance. We were talking comfortably on the way back to my house from Walgreens, where we stopped by briefly after the FBLA meeting ended. She told me about her interest in genealogy, said it gave her a sense of importance to document that people once existed, that she'd be visiting graveyards and taking pictures so people could find someone they're searching for. I was telling her that the three of us should hang out over the summer since he'll be home from college with nothing to do. She agreed to that and I know it's because she misses him like I do; he's always been one to genuinely listen for the most part. When she pulled into my driveway, we were talking about the future. We talked for a little while about our respective colleges (VT for her and SU for myself), our financial aid, scholarships, the cost of college, and about leaving high school. She took notice of how the front railing of the porch was taken away and of the slabs of brick laying on top of the dull gray. I told her that my father wanted to eventually sell the house so we could move. We stopped our conversation when my father got home. The green car was waiting a little ways before the driveway, almost as though he meant to park in the driveway and was waiting for her to move. He parked on the side, but she still decided to go then, probably out of embarrassment. I can't remember if I told her to drive safely, something I try to tell all of my friends as though it puts a protective spell over them.
A little while later as I was working on a brown, green, and blue striped bracelet, I thought about what I didn't ask her, what I really wanted to know. Would she miss me? Would she try to stay in touch? I feel ridiculous for wondering, especially after all she and I have been through as friends. Some people would think me silly, but I just don't know what the future holds for us. Just like in the movie 'Stand and Deliver,' you can see the turn, but not the road. I can see the turn for both of us, but I don't see the road. I don't know if the road splits and intersects later or not. I know that I will let her spread her wings and fly, because I had to let him undergo the same process last year. And for being miles away, he didn't leave me like I once assumed he would. He stayed. With all the miles that will separate her and I, I can't help but wonder if she will stay. If they both will stay. Or if I will stay. It could go either way. For right now, I hope the three of us stay, just for a little while longer for my own selfishness.
"I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me" // "'Cause it's like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me" // "'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go" - Mirrors by Justin Timberlake
[While the song lyrics may not be relative to all of this, it played on her car radio. Plus, I like the song. And really, I don't want to lose her now, or him for that matter.]
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Birthday Reflection
I turned 18 years old on April 13th. The way I spent my 18th birthday was so different from all of the rest of my birthdays as far as I can remember anyway. I mean, I definitely did some special things for previous birthdays, but my 18th birthday was different. It was the first birthday that I didn't spend all day, or even most of the day, with my family.
On Saturday, instead of going out to eat for my birthday or being with my family for the majority of the day, I was at the FBLA State Conference. Quite honestly, I was happy for the change of experience. I love my family so very much, but it was just a nice change of pace to spend most of my birthday with other people besides them. (I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.) I really felt like an adult on Saturday.
So, I'm going to run through my Saturday with what I can remember. I might put some events in the wrong order, but I'll do my best to not do that. So, I woke up early on Saturday to get ready for the conference. I got to the Hyatt a little bit before 8 and basically freaked out because I thought my event was early in the morning. Eventually, after roaming around for 10 minutes or so, I found Mrs. Woodward and all was well. Although, I did spam Casey's phone quite successfully while I was in my panicked state. I hung out around Mrs. Woodward until the crew arrived. Then we pretty much just explored the hotel a little bit. We found a piano, but I didn't get the chance to "play" it. Caleb went off for his event. We roamed around some more, Casey went for her event, then a group of us sat down to listen to one of the leadership presentations. It was rather boring to be honest. The people next door to us were having a good time though, but that room was packed! Got out of the leadership presenation and walked around some more with Jordan and Caroline. We stumbled upon Mrs. Strosnider and Cassy, who was practicing for her event. Stood around and chatted some more until Caroline and I went for our events. Coincidentally, Cristian was at the conference too so he approached me and said Happy Birthday, which was sweet. Caroline and I came back from our event. She left for lunch and I probably just talked and walked around with some people after that until Jordan left for his event and came back. Caleb got pretty obsessed with the raffle during that time, haha. When he finished up, the four of us (Casey, Jordan, Caleb, and I) ventured half a mile to Five Guys and half a mile back to the hotel. It was unbelievably nice to walk to Five Guys and back. After coming back to the hotel, we found out that Cassy hadn't gone yet. We had our ice cream social at three. (I didn't have any ice cream though! They all sang Happy Birthday to me though, which was embarrassing and sweet at the same time!) By that time, Cassy had gone in to do her event and finished up fairly quickly. Kayla, Meagan, Casey and I were hanging out outside and chatting. Then we all went down to Panera. Angela and VP Jordan joined us later. We blew two hours just sitting there in Panera talking, lazing around, and playing games on Cassy's iPad. I finally decided that I had enough of sitting around and doing nothing so I successfully dragged Meagan, Casey, VP Jordan, and Cassy to explore the shops around the hotel. We went to the Apple Store first. After that, we went to Paper Source, courtesy of myself. Then we waltzed into a Thai restaurant for dinner where Casey and I shared dinner. I think it was Meagan's first time having Thai food. Cassy fell in love with the mango ice cream. We got back to the hotel and ventured into the Panera (all of us except for Meagan, I believe) to go and sit with Caleb, Jordan, and Caroline, who all had such a good time to bond that it made me jealous. I just wanted those three to love me, haha. We sat in there and talked until it was time for us to go upstairs for the awards ceremony. Beginning of the awards ceremony consisted of blasting music for a good 10-15 minutes at least. At one point, Cassy stood up and started dancing, which caught the attention of so many people that she went out into the aisle with two other people (one guy and one girl) and the three of them just danced. It was crazy and hilarious. It took forever to get through all of it and we all got pretty restless. Five of us managed to place for states. Cassy took 5th in her event, Casey took 4th in hers, Jordan took 3rd in his, Kayla and Meagan took 2nd in theirs, and I somehow grasped 1st in my own.
I was really shocked to have won first. My heart was pounding as I listened for my name to be called to the holding area. I went up on stage with four other people. The lights were so blinding and I couldn't see far out into the audience for my crew. I listened intently as the names were called. It finally came down to second and first place. When my name wasn't called for second, I sort of stood there in disbelief with a dumbfounded expression. I couldn't believe that I actually took first. For the first time in my life, I had won something and it wasn't just an individual accomplishment. It was recognition for Sherando too. I was so happy.
The State Conference really did turn out to be such a great way to spend my birthday. I'm so fortunate to have had the chance to attend. I hope more underclassmen join up in FBLA and compete in events. If I can win something, then there is no doubt that they can work hard and win too. (Although, I didn't really work hard. I barely studied for both tests and still managed it. I guess I have more school smarts and common sense than I give myself credit for.) I felt so confident on my birthday while I was at the conference. Yes, I did worry about the way I looked a couple of times, but it was so fleeting. I was glowing with excitement and self-approval way before the awards ceremony. I just felt so free. It was nice to spend time with people that I'm not usually with. It was really nice.
After everything was all over, my brother, Shaun, picked me up and drove to our brother's (Rehaan) house; Aisha was already there. I received birthday flowers, two birthday cards (one from Shaun and one that was probably purchased by Aisha but signed by everyone), and lots of love. We did the cake even though it was late. I knew that they used a trick candle because I saw it spark. It was pretty funny. We all had cake, except for Farah. Aisha had bought me some cheesecake from Whole Foods or wherever and I ate half of that too. I ate pretty poorly on my birthday, but still had a fantastic day overall. I was pretty happy.
On Saturday, instead of going out to eat for my birthday or being with my family for the majority of the day, I was at the FBLA State Conference. Quite honestly, I was happy for the change of experience. I love my family so very much, but it was just a nice change of pace to spend most of my birthday with other people besides them. (I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.) I really felt like an adult on Saturday.
So, I'm going to run through my Saturday with what I can remember. I might put some events in the wrong order, but I'll do my best to not do that. So, I woke up early on Saturday to get ready for the conference. I got to the Hyatt a little bit before 8 and basically freaked out because I thought my event was early in the morning. Eventually, after roaming around for 10 minutes or so, I found Mrs. Woodward and all was well. Although, I did spam Casey's phone quite successfully while I was in my panicked state. I hung out around Mrs. Woodward until the crew arrived. Then we pretty much just explored the hotel a little bit. We found a piano, but I didn't get the chance to "play" it. Caleb went off for his event. We roamed around some more, Casey went for her event, then a group of us sat down to listen to one of the leadership presentations. It was rather boring to be honest. The people next door to us were having a good time though, but that room was packed! Got out of the leadership presenation and walked around some more with Jordan and Caroline. We stumbled upon Mrs. Strosnider and Cassy, who was practicing for her event. Stood around and chatted some more until Caroline and I went for our events. Coincidentally, Cristian was at the conference too so he approached me and said Happy Birthday, which was sweet. Caroline and I came back from our event. She left for lunch and I probably just talked and walked around with some people after that until Jordan left for his event and came back. Caleb got pretty obsessed with the raffle during that time, haha. When he finished up, the four of us (Casey, Jordan, Caleb, and I) ventured half a mile to Five Guys and half a mile back to the hotel. It was unbelievably nice to walk to Five Guys and back. After coming back to the hotel, we found out that Cassy hadn't gone yet. We had our ice cream social at three. (I didn't have any ice cream though! They all sang Happy Birthday to me though, which was embarrassing and sweet at the same time!) By that time, Cassy had gone in to do her event and finished up fairly quickly. Kayla, Meagan, Casey and I were hanging out outside and chatting. Then we all went down to Panera. Angela and VP Jordan joined us later. We blew two hours just sitting there in Panera talking, lazing around, and playing games on Cassy's iPad. I finally decided that I had enough of sitting around and doing nothing so I successfully dragged Meagan, Casey, VP Jordan, and Cassy to explore the shops around the hotel. We went to the Apple Store first. After that, we went to Paper Source, courtesy of myself. Then we waltzed into a Thai restaurant for dinner where Casey and I shared dinner. I think it was Meagan's first time having Thai food. Cassy fell in love with the mango ice cream. We got back to the hotel and ventured into the Panera (all of us except for Meagan, I believe) to go and sit with Caleb, Jordan, and Caroline, who all had such a good time to bond that it made me jealous. I just wanted those three to love me, haha. We sat in there and talked until it was time for us to go upstairs for the awards ceremony. Beginning of the awards ceremony consisted of blasting music for a good 10-15 minutes at least. At one point, Cassy stood up and started dancing, which caught the attention of so many people that she went out into the aisle with two other people (one guy and one girl) and the three of them just danced. It was crazy and hilarious. It took forever to get through all of it and we all got pretty restless. Five of us managed to place for states. Cassy took 5th in her event, Casey took 4th in hers, Jordan took 3rd in his, Kayla and Meagan took 2nd in theirs, and I somehow grasped 1st in my own.
I was really shocked to have won first. My heart was pounding as I listened for my name to be called to the holding area. I went up on stage with four other people. The lights were so blinding and I couldn't see far out into the audience for my crew. I listened intently as the names were called. It finally came down to second and first place. When my name wasn't called for second, I sort of stood there in disbelief with a dumbfounded expression. I couldn't believe that I actually took first. For the first time in my life, I had won something and it wasn't just an individual accomplishment. It was recognition for Sherando too. I was so happy.
The State Conference really did turn out to be such a great way to spend my birthday. I'm so fortunate to have had the chance to attend. I hope more underclassmen join up in FBLA and compete in events. If I can win something, then there is no doubt that they can work hard and win too. (Although, I didn't really work hard. I barely studied for both tests and still managed it. I guess I have more school smarts and common sense than I give myself credit for.) I felt so confident on my birthday while I was at the conference. Yes, I did worry about the way I looked a couple of times, but it was so fleeting. I was glowing with excitement and self-approval way before the awards ceremony. I just felt so free. It was nice to spend time with people that I'm not usually with. It was really nice.
After everything was all over, my brother, Shaun, picked me up and drove to our brother's (Rehaan) house; Aisha was already there. I received birthday flowers, two birthday cards (one from Shaun and one that was probably purchased by Aisha but signed by everyone), and lots of love. We did the cake even though it was late. I knew that they used a trick candle because I saw it spark. It was pretty funny. We all had cake, except for Farah. Aisha had bought me some cheesecake from Whole Foods or wherever and I ate half of that too. I ate pretty poorly on my birthday, but still had a fantastic day overall. I was pretty happy.
Monday, April 8, 2013
April Awareness
April is a pretty cool month for various reasons. It's the month I was born in, but that's not what I want to talk about. As you may or may not know, April is Autism Awareness Month and also Donate Life Month.
Today, I watched an inspiring video created by someone I met when I was in elementary school. His name is Nathan. When I think back to elementary school, I remember how seemingly difficult of a kid Nathan appeared to be. He used to get into trouble a lot. He didn't have many friends, if any at all. He was different. Kids were mean to him. I bet I was one of those kids that was mean to him too. (As a really irrelevant side note, I remember having a crush on Nathan in the fourth grade for a brief period of time and not ever telling anyone. Back then, that was my "dark" secret. And quite honestly, I hate that I was one of those people, because the Nathan of today has grown into a brilliant and accomplished young man.) Anyway, back to my point, up until today I never knew Nathan's story. Nathan has Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism. All of his peculiar quirks back in elementary school make sense now. One of the most interesting things about Nathan is his Sylvia, she's his service dog and his constant companion. She comes with him to school, which is something I find really remarkable because Nathan had to fight for her to be with him at school and to travel with him on the bus.
I know I've been really choppy with all of the information and that I've hardly mentioned much about autism. That is mainly because I have a lot to learn about autism and I wouldn't want to speak out of turn anymore than I already have. Plus, I can't tell Nathan's story better than he can. Without further ado, please follow this link to his inspirational YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eGocr2dP7Po. And when you're done, PLEASE PASS IT ON to someone else so that they can see Nathan's story too. (And while you're at it, check out his other videos. The guy's freaking awesome.)
In addition to April being Autism Awareness Month, it is also Donate Life Month. This is something I can speak to a bit more. I am a transplant recipient, meaning that I have the fortunate second chance at life as well as the chance to live life for two people. Organ donation is an important issue to me because I wouldn't be here today if it didn't exist. People have all sorts of skepticism and fears about organ donation. I'm here to tell people to not be afraid of it. Learn about it. You could end up saving more than one life and that's one of the greatest things you can do. "Don't take your organs to Heaven. Heaven knows we need them here."
It is my wish that people learn to treat their bodies with more care and live their lives in a healthier manner. You think that you won't end up sick in the hospital needing an organ one day, but what if you do? I didn't know it would happen to me. Who's to say that it won't happen to you? You don't what curveball life is going to throw at you so take care of yourself.
For information on autism:
-http://www.autism-society.org/
-http://www.autismspeaks.org/
For information on organ donation:
-http://donatelife.net/
-http://www.organdonor.gov/index.html
Today, I watched an inspiring video created by someone I met when I was in elementary school. His name is Nathan. When I think back to elementary school, I remember how seemingly difficult of a kid Nathan appeared to be. He used to get into trouble a lot. He didn't have many friends, if any at all. He was different. Kids were mean to him. I bet I was one of those kids that was mean to him too. (As a really irrelevant side note, I remember having a crush on Nathan in the fourth grade for a brief period of time and not ever telling anyone. Back then, that was my "dark" secret. And quite honestly, I hate that I was one of those people, because the Nathan of today has grown into a brilliant and accomplished young man.) Anyway, back to my point, up until today I never knew Nathan's story. Nathan has Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism. All of his peculiar quirks back in elementary school make sense now. One of the most interesting things about Nathan is his Sylvia, she's his service dog and his constant companion. She comes with him to school, which is something I find really remarkable because Nathan had to fight for her to be with him at school and to travel with him on the bus.
I know I've been really choppy with all of the information and that I've hardly mentioned much about autism. That is mainly because I have a lot to learn about autism and I wouldn't want to speak out of turn anymore than I already have. Plus, I can't tell Nathan's story better than he can. Without further ado, please follow this link to his inspirational YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eGocr2dP7Po. And when you're done, PLEASE PASS IT ON to someone else so that they can see Nathan's story too. (And while you're at it, check out his other videos. The guy's freaking awesome.)
In addition to April being Autism Awareness Month, it is also Donate Life Month. This is something I can speak to a bit more. I am a transplant recipient, meaning that I have the fortunate second chance at life as well as the chance to live life for two people. Organ donation is an important issue to me because I wouldn't be here today if it didn't exist. People have all sorts of skepticism and fears about organ donation. I'm here to tell people to not be afraid of it. Learn about it. You could end up saving more than one life and that's one of the greatest things you can do. "Don't take your organs to Heaven. Heaven knows we need them here."
It is my wish that people learn to treat their bodies with more care and live their lives in a healthier manner. You think that you won't end up sick in the hospital needing an organ one day, but what if you do? I didn't know it would happen to me. Who's to say that it won't happen to you? You don't what curveball life is going to throw at you so take care of yourself.
For information on autism:
-http://www.autism-society.org/
-http://www.autismspeaks.org/
For information on organ donation:
-http://donatelife.net/
-http://www.organdonor.gov/index.html
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Looks
I've been trying to tell myself that looks are not everything. I'm at a pretty fragile state as it is, though I don't dare show it. I'm trying to make a change though, rather than settle directly for losing weight, I decided to stick to eating healthy and exercising daily.
I don't want to feel worthless because I'm not a size zero or because I don't have all the right curves in all the right places. Of course, I don't mean to discourage anyone who is like that. It's not a bad thing to be a size zero or curvy. We're all made differently. In spite of knowing that, I can't accept myself because I don't feel up to society's standards. I wonder though, what do I have to look like to be looked at kindly by society? What do I have to look like to be on par with society's standards of beautiful? When will I be worth something to society?
Recently, a friend and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. He told me that he'd never date an overweight girl and was criticizing a girl in our class for having gained weight since the 7th grade or something. I felt taken aback by what I interpreted to be rudeness on his part. I never knew that he was that shallow. He gave a reason to justify why he wouldn't date an overweight girl, but it made me angry. He's always been such a good natured person up until now so it really shocked me that he would say something like that. He wasn't directing the criticism towards me, but I couldn't help but take it that way. I felt like I had to defend our classmate, because I think she looks great the way she is. Everything will reset like it always does, but I won't forget what he said. (I know I shouldn't take offense since he wasn't degrading me, but it just tore at me inside.)
When I was younger, I don't really remember being told that I was beautiful or being encouraged to do different things very much. I wish I had been. If I have children in the future, I'm going to tell them over and over that I love them, that they are beautiful, that I believe in them, and that they can do anything. Also, I'm going to make sure that they are healthy children. I want my future kids, if I have any at all, to be confident and pleased with who they are at all times during their life. There is no reason for them to feel the need to change to be wanted by society. I would do everything in my power to make sure they don't turn out like me in that respect. I don't want kids to start growing up with the notion that they've got to look a certain way to be loved and accepted.
Looks are not everything. They can't be. I know it's the truth. One of my very good friends, he drew my attention because of his personality, not his looks. I didn't bother with his appearance, because that didn't matter to me; of course, if I had to comment about his appearance, I'd say that he is attractive even though he seems to be dangerously thin. His insides were and are just so beautiful to me. And because his heart is so beautiful, the rest of him proved to be naturally beautiful.
How can you judge someone based on their appearance alone? It seems a bit crude to do so. You don't know what they have been through. A close friend of mine struggled with anorexia years ago back when we weren't as close as we are now. To this day, I know deep inside that she still struggles with it. She's beautiful the way she is, but she can't see it. She is my reminder that no matter how I feel, I can't hurt myself like that. I have a friend who radiates nothing but confidence and optimism, for the most part anyway. She's not a skinny stick, she's really curvy, but she doesn't hate herself for looking the way she does. I love her constant cheerfulness and how she truly loves herself the way she is.
I can't stop beating myself up in my mind though. I keep comparing the size my thighs to my friends' thighs. I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be so jealous. I shouldn't be so weak. But I am and I'm not proud of it. I can't take my own advice about any of this even though I want to. I won't turn to extreme measures like an eating disorder, but let me be brutally honest in saying that I feel like turning to an eating disorder to fix things even though I know it'll ruin everything. I was telling myself today that I should invest in more hoodies and sweatpants so that I can wear them in college everyday. I also continuously remind myself that the reason I probably will never get married is because I don't look good enough. I need to destroy these thoughts, but it's so difficult to do that since I'm the kind of person who needs constant encouragement. I always make mocking complaints about how girls are so self-conscious, but I'm just as self-conscious as the next girl. I like to put up fronts to make it seem like I'm not, to make it seem like I don't care. But I do care. A lot.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I'm trying so hard to do something to change so that I don't have to feel this way forever. I guess this is an uphill battle. It'll take a while to level off. And I have to win. I don't want to cry anymore.
I don't want to feel worthless because I'm not a size zero or because I don't have all the right curves in all the right places. Of course, I don't mean to discourage anyone who is like that. It's not a bad thing to be a size zero or curvy. We're all made differently. In spite of knowing that, I can't accept myself because I don't feel up to society's standards. I wonder though, what do I have to look like to be looked at kindly by society? What do I have to look like to be on par with society's standards of beautiful? When will I be worth something to society?
Recently, a friend and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. He told me that he'd never date an overweight girl and was criticizing a girl in our class for having gained weight since the 7th grade or something. I felt taken aback by what I interpreted to be rudeness on his part. I never knew that he was that shallow. He gave a reason to justify why he wouldn't date an overweight girl, but it made me angry. He's always been such a good natured person up until now so it really shocked me that he would say something like that. He wasn't directing the criticism towards me, but I couldn't help but take it that way. I felt like I had to defend our classmate, because I think she looks great the way she is. Everything will reset like it always does, but I won't forget what he said. (I know I shouldn't take offense since he wasn't degrading me, but it just tore at me inside.)
When I was younger, I don't really remember being told that I was beautiful or being encouraged to do different things very much. I wish I had been. If I have children in the future, I'm going to tell them over and over that I love them, that they are beautiful, that I believe in them, and that they can do anything. Also, I'm going to make sure that they are healthy children. I want my future kids, if I have any at all, to be confident and pleased with who they are at all times during their life. There is no reason for them to feel the need to change to be wanted by society. I would do everything in my power to make sure they don't turn out like me in that respect. I don't want kids to start growing up with the notion that they've got to look a certain way to be loved and accepted.
Looks are not everything. They can't be. I know it's the truth. One of my very good friends, he drew my attention because of his personality, not his looks. I didn't bother with his appearance, because that didn't matter to me; of course, if I had to comment about his appearance, I'd say that he is attractive even though he seems to be dangerously thin. His insides were and are just so beautiful to me. And because his heart is so beautiful, the rest of him proved to be naturally beautiful.
How can you judge someone based on their appearance alone? It seems a bit crude to do so. You don't know what they have been through. A close friend of mine struggled with anorexia years ago back when we weren't as close as we are now. To this day, I know deep inside that she still struggles with it. She's beautiful the way she is, but she can't see it. She is my reminder that no matter how I feel, I can't hurt myself like that. I have a friend who radiates nothing but confidence and optimism, for the most part anyway. She's not a skinny stick, she's really curvy, but she doesn't hate herself for looking the way she does. I love her constant cheerfulness and how she truly loves herself the way she is.
I can't stop beating myself up in my mind though. I keep comparing the size my thighs to my friends' thighs. I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be so jealous. I shouldn't be so weak. But I am and I'm not proud of it. I can't take my own advice about any of this even though I want to. I won't turn to extreme measures like an eating disorder, but let me be brutally honest in saying that I feel like turning to an eating disorder to fix things even though I know it'll ruin everything. I was telling myself today that I should invest in more hoodies and sweatpants so that I can wear them in college everyday. I also continuously remind myself that the reason I probably will never get married is because I don't look good enough. I need to destroy these thoughts, but it's so difficult to do that since I'm the kind of person who needs constant encouragement. I always make mocking complaints about how girls are so self-conscious, but I'm just as self-conscious as the next girl. I like to put up fronts to make it seem like I'm not, to make it seem like I don't care. But I do care. A lot.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I'm trying so hard to do something to change so that I don't have to feel this way forever. I guess this is an uphill battle. It'll take a while to level off. And I have to win. I don't want to cry anymore.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
And So Begins The End
I'm in Web Tech right now, supposed to be working in Publisher, but I suddenly got the urge to blog. The feeling like I need to say what I'm thinking. Today marks the beginning of the 4th and final quarter of my senior year. It's an ending as much as it is a beginning, for me and my fellow classmates.
I'm actually having a pretty good morning and day so far. I expected it to be awful because of calculus, but I was wrong. It turned out to be a calm, easygoing class period for a change. It made me happy. We were reminded by Mrs. Berry that the 4th quarter has begun.
I have mixed feelings. I'm very happy that it's all coming to an end, but I'm sad at the same time. I've been seeing the same people for so long, some for more than four years, but I know that we can't stay this way forever. It's almost time to go. It's difficult for us to accept that this is really going to be the end. We will never walk the halls of Sherando as students ever again.
It tears me up inside actually. I'm trying to be really indifferent about graduation, because I promised myself that I wouldn't be sad. I want to be happy that it all happened. All of these people I've met and loved along the way, I have to be happy for them. It's not going to do any good to dwell on the time I've spent here at Sherando.
It's not over yet though. I still have time. And while I still have time, I'm going to make it count for something. I'm going to make it last.
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