April is a pretty cool month for various reasons. It's the month I was born in, but that's not what I want to talk about. As you may or may not know, April is Autism Awareness Month and also Donate Life Month.
Today, I watched an inspiring video created by someone I met when I was in elementary school. His name is Nathan. When I think back to elementary school, I remember how seemingly difficult of a kid Nathan appeared to be. He used to get into trouble a lot. He didn't have many friends, if any at all. He was different. Kids were mean to him. I bet I was one of those kids that was mean to him too. (As a really irrelevant side note, I remember having a crush on Nathan in the fourth grade for a brief period of time and not ever telling anyone. Back then, that was my "dark" secret. And quite honestly, I hate that I was one of those people, because the Nathan of today has grown into a brilliant and accomplished young man.) Anyway, back to my point, up until today I never knew Nathan's story. Nathan has Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism. All of his peculiar quirks back in elementary school make sense now. One of the most interesting things about Nathan is his Sylvia, she's his service dog and his constant companion. She comes with him to school, which is something I find really remarkable because Nathan had to fight for her to be with him at school and to travel with him on the bus.
I know I've been really choppy with all of the information and that I've hardly mentioned much about autism. That is mainly because I have a lot to learn about autism and I wouldn't want to speak out of turn anymore than I already have. Plus, I can't tell Nathan's story better than he can. Without further ado, please follow this link to his inspirational YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eGocr2dP7Po. And when you're done, PLEASE PASS IT ON to someone else so that they can see Nathan's story too. (And while you're at it, check out his other videos. The guy's freaking awesome.)
In addition to April being Autism Awareness Month, it is also Donate Life Month. This is something I can speak to a bit more. I am a transplant recipient, meaning that I have the fortunate second chance at life as well as the chance to live life for two people. Organ donation is an important issue to me because I wouldn't be here today if it didn't exist. People have all sorts of skepticism and fears about organ donation. I'm here to tell people to not be afraid of it. Learn about it. You could end up saving more than one life and that's one of the greatest things you can do. "Don't take your organs to Heaven. Heaven knows we need them here."
It is my wish that people learn to treat their bodies with more care and live their lives in a healthier manner. You think that you won't end up sick in the hospital needing an organ one day, but what if you do? I didn't know it would happen to me. Who's to say that it won't happen to you? You don't what curveball life is going to throw at you so take care of yourself.
For information on autism:
-http://www.autism-society.org/
-http://www.autismspeaks.org/
For information on organ donation:
-http://donatelife.net/
-http://www.organdonor.gov/index.html
Monday, April 8, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Looks
I've been trying to tell myself that looks are not everything. I'm at a pretty fragile state as it is, though I don't dare show it. I'm trying to make a change though, rather than settle directly for losing weight, I decided to stick to eating healthy and exercising daily.
I don't want to feel worthless because I'm not a size zero or because I don't have all the right curves in all the right places. Of course, I don't mean to discourage anyone who is like that. It's not a bad thing to be a size zero or curvy. We're all made differently. In spite of knowing that, I can't accept myself because I don't feel up to society's standards. I wonder though, what do I have to look like to be looked at kindly by society? What do I have to look like to be on par with society's standards of beautiful? When will I be worth something to society?
Recently, a friend and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. He told me that he'd never date an overweight girl and was criticizing a girl in our class for having gained weight since the 7th grade or something. I felt taken aback by what I interpreted to be rudeness on his part. I never knew that he was that shallow. He gave a reason to justify why he wouldn't date an overweight girl, but it made me angry. He's always been such a good natured person up until now so it really shocked me that he would say something like that. He wasn't directing the criticism towards me, but I couldn't help but take it that way. I felt like I had to defend our classmate, because I think she looks great the way she is. Everything will reset like it always does, but I won't forget what he said. (I know I shouldn't take offense since he wasn't degrading me, but it just tore at me inside.)
When I was younger, I don't really remember being told that I was beautiful or being encouraged to do different things very much. I wish I had been. If I have children in the future, I'm going to tell them over and over that I love them, that they are beautiful, that I believe in them, and that they can do anything. Also, I'm going to make sure that they are healthy children. I want my future kids, if I have any at all, to be confident and pleased with who they are at all times during their life. There is no reason for them to feel the need to change to be wanted by society. I would do everything in my power to make sure they don't turn out like me in that respect. I don't want kids to start growing up with the notion that they've got to look a certain way to be loved and accepted.
Looks are not everything. They can't be. I know it's the truth. One of my very good friends, he drew my attention because of his personality, not his looks. I didn't bother with his appearance, because that didn't matter to me; of course, if I had to comment about his appearance, I'd say that he is attractive even though he seems to be dangerously thin. His insides were and are just so beautiful to me. And because his heart is so beautiful, the rest of him proved to be naturally beautiful.
How can you judge someone based on their appearance alone? It seems a bit crude to do so. You don't know what they have been through. A close friend of mine struggled with anorexia years ago back when we weren't as close as we are now. To this day, I know deep inside that she still struggles with it. She's beautiful the way she is, but she can't see it. She is my reminder that no matter how I feel, I can't hurt myself like that. I have a friend who radiates nothing but confidence and optimism, for the most part anyway. She's not a skinny stick, she's really curvy, but she doesn't hate herself for looking the way she does. I love her constant cheerfulness and how she truly loves herself the way she is.
I can't stop beating myself up in my mind though. I keep comparing the size my thighs to my friends' thighs. I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be so jealous. I shouldn't be so weak. But I am and I'm not proud of it. I can't take my own advice about any of this even though I want to. I won't turn to extreme measures like an eating disorder, but let me be brutally honest in saying that I feel like turning to an eating disorder to fix things even though I know it'll ruin everything. I was telling myself today that I should invest in more hoodies and sweatpants so that I can wear them in college everyday. I also continuously remind myself that the reason I probably will never get married is because I don't look good enough. I need to destroy these thoughts, but it's so difficult to do that since I'm the kind of person who needs constant encouragement. I always make mocking complaints about how girls are so self-conscious, but I'm just as self-conscious as the next girl. I like to put up fronts to make it seem like I'm not, to make it seem like I don't care. But I do care. A lot.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I'm trying so hard to do something to change so that I don't have to feel this way forever. I guess this is an uphill battle. It'll take a while to level off. And I have to win. I don't want to cry anymore.
I don't want to feel worthless because I'm not a size zero or because I don't have all the right curves in all the right places. Of course, I don't mean to discourage anyone who is like that. It's not a bad thing to be a size zero or curvy. We're all made differently. In spite of knowing that, I can't accept myself because I don't feel up to society's standards. I wonder though, what do I have to look like to be looked at kindly by society? What do I have to look like to be on par with society's standards of beautiful? When will I be worth something to society?
Recently, a friend and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. He told me that he'd never date an overweight girl and was criticizing a girl in our class for having gained weight since the 7th grade or something. I felt taken aback by what I interpreted to be rudeness on his part. I never knew that he was that shallow. He gave a reason to justify why he wouldn't date an overweight girl, but it made me angry. He's always been such a good natured person up until now so it really shocked me that he would say something like that. He wasn't directing the criticism towards me, but I couldn't help but take it that way. I felt like I had to defend our classmate, because I think she looks great the way she is. Everything will reset like it always does, but I won't forget what he said. (I know I shouldn't take offense since he wasn't degrading me, but it just tore at me inside.)
When I was younger, I don't really remember being told that I was beautiful or being encouraged to do different things very much. I wish I had been. If I have children in the future, I'm going to tell them over and over that I love them, that they are beautiful, that I believe in them, and that they can do anything. Also, I'm going to make sure that they are healthy children. I want my future kids, if I have any at all, to be confident and pleased with who they are at all times during their life. There is no reason for them to feel the need to change to be wanted by society. I would do everything in my power to make sure they don't turn out like me in that respect. I don't want kids to start growing up with the notion that they've got to look a certain way to be loved and accepted.
Looks are not everything. They can't be. I know it's the truth. One of my very good friends, he drew my attention because of his personality, not his looks. I didn't bother with his appearance, because that didn't matter to me; of course, if I had to comment about his appearance, I'd say that he is attractive even though he seems to be dangerously thin. His insides were and are just so beautiful to me. And because his heart is so beautiful, the rest of him proved to be naturally beautiful.
How can you judge someone based on their appearance alone? It seems a bit crude to do so. You don't know what they have been through. A close friend of mine struggled with anorexia years ago back when we weren't as close as we are now. To this day, I know deep inside that she still struggles with it. She's beautiful the way she is, but she can't see it. She is my reminder that no matter how I feel, I can't hurt myself like that. I have a friend who radiates nothing but confidence and optimism, for the most part anyway. She's not a skinny stick, she's really curvy, but she doesn't hate herself for looking the way she does. I love her constant cheerfulness and how she truly loves herself the way she is.
I can't stop beating myself up in my mind though. I keep comparing the size my thighs to my friends' thighs. I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be so jealous. I shouldn't be so weak. But I am and I'm not proud of it. I can't take my own advice about any of this even though I want to. I won't turn to extreme measures like an eating disorder, but let me be brutally honest in saying that I feel like turning to an eating disorder to fix things even though I know it'll ruin everything. I was telling myself today that I should invest in more hoodies and sweatpants so that I can wear them in college everyday. I also continuously remind myself that the reason I probably will never get married is because I don't look good enough. I need to destroy these thoughts, but it's so difficult to do that since I'm the kind of person who needs constant encouragement. I always make mocking complaints about how girls are so self-conscious, but I'm just as self-conscious as the next girl. I like to put up fronts to make it seem like I'm not, to make it seem like I don't care. But I do care. A lot.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I'm trying so hard to do something to change so that I don't have to feel this way forever. I guess this is an uphill battle. It'll take a while to level off. And I have to win. I don't want to cry anymore.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
And So Begins The End
I'm in Web Tech right now, supposed to be working in Publisher, but I suddenly got the urge to blog. The feeling like I need to say what I'm thinking. Today marks the beginning of the 4th and final quarter of my senior year. It's an ending as much as it is a beginning, for me and my fellow classmates.
I'm actually having a pretty good morning and day so far. I expected it to be awful because of calculus, but I was wrong. It turned out to be a calm, easygoing class period for a change. It made me happy. We were reminded by Mrs. Berry that the 4th quarter has begun.
I have mixed feelings. I'm very happy that it's all coming to an end, but I'm sad at the same time. I've been seeing the same people for so long, some for more than four years, but I know that we can't stay this way forever. It's almost time to go. It's difficult for us to accept that this is really going to be the end. We will never walk the halls of Sherando as students ever again.
It tears me up inside actually. I'm trying to be really indifferent about graduation, because I promised myself that I wouldn't be sad. I want to be happy that it all happened. All of these people I've met and loved along the way, I have to be happy for them. It's not going to do any good to dwell on the time I've spent here at Sherando.
It's not over yet though. I still have time. And while I still have time, I'm going to make it count for something. I'm going to make it last.
Monday, March 25, 2013
"Heaven forbid you end up alone"
I need to be honest with myself...so I'm blogging. (Deepak, you happy now?) Those who know me well enough already know that this is going to be a somewhat gloomy post, but I think it's progress since I'm finally admitting that there is a problem. I need to change.
I typically have a low self-esteem. The people who truly know me inside and out can attest to that. Self-esteem often differs depending on the goings on, but I'm usually pretty down on myself. Of course, I have my own silly reasons for being this way. My self-esteem goes hand in hand with what I believe my self-worth to be. I wonder how many people have been able to sense my perception of my own self-worth because I don't know how strongly it shows through.
Like I said, I have my reasons for these negative feelings. If I'm being honest, I really don't believe in myself and I really don't believe I'm worth anything. I never have. I don't want that 'never have' sentiment to become 'never will.' My reasons include things like my appearance, my personality, and my intelligence level. All three of those things are my fault and mine alone.
Ever since middle school, I've hated the way I look; I don't think appearance mattered much to me in elementary school. I feel like I don't fit society's standards of what a beautiful woman should look like, and it really sucks. It sucks to go around and think that everyone is judging you because you're huge and not visually appealing. Am I starting to sound self-pitying right about now? My apologies, I am sincerely trying to change that part of myself though by eating well and exercising daily. Change won't happen right away, but at least I'm trying.
A lot of people seem to like me, but I honestly can't understand why. According to many people, I'm the nice and quiet type. Yeah, I guess I can agree with that. But there's this one thing that spoils my personality: my lack of confidence. I explained my lack of confidence to a couple of teachers and they thought it was somewhat comical so let me relay it to you now. I basically stated that I have no confidence in all situations so that if by chance something good happens then I can pleased with myself and feel good. When it comes to bad things happening, I'll still feel bad, but at least I had it coming. (I suppose that last bit is the funny part.)
And last but not least, my intelligence level. People have this belief, even without knowing me, that I am intelligent. You might be thinking that I should just shut up and take it as a compliment whether it is true or not. Truthfully, I don't see myself as intelligent. In fact, what is it that people base intelligence on? I've often wondered that. I met someone a few years ago and I thought he was brilliant, but he did so poorly in school because he didn't really care. I don't think intelligence can be measured on school smarts or street smarts, or even an IQ test. What makes you better than the person next to you anyway? Anyway, back to my point, I don't view myself as intelligent purely because I don't want to become arrogant. I have my own moments of arrogance and I don't like them. I'd rather be a humble person. However, I need to accept that certain things come easier for me than they do for others, and vice versa.
Even transplantation didn't "fix" me. I still don't feel worth it most of the time, but I want to feel worth it for her. She keeps me from truly destroying myself. I sometimes think about her and tell myself that I'm going to be happy for the both of us. I want to be confident for the both of us. I owe her that much. I'm not only living my own life, I'm living hers too. (I know a lot of people would love to argue about that with me, but unless you're a heart transplant recipient, you can't possibly understand.) Or rather, she is living within me and continuing her life through me. Either way, that's why I have to make these seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years worthwhile.
I kind of do want to talk about the song lyrics in the title. "Heaven forbid you end up alone" is from a song called Heaven Forbid by The Fray. (I am listening to it on repeat as I write this post.) I don't know the intended meaning of the song or for what purpose the song was written, but I have my own attachment to it.
I think I've sort of strayed away from my overall point, but oh well. I'm just trying to accept myself, change what I can, and work on being happy. It's much easier said than done, but I know I can do it if I work at it.
I typically have a low self-esteem. The people who truly know me inside and out can attest to that. Self-esteem often differs depending on the goings on, but I'm usually pretty down on myself. Of course, I have my own silly reasons for being this way. My self-esteem goes hand in hand with what I believe my self-worth to be. I wonder how many people have been able to sense my perception of my own self-worth because I don't know how strongly it shows through.
Like I said, I have my reasons for these negative feelings. If I'm being honest, I really don't believe in myself and I really don't believe I'm worth anything. I never have. I don't want that 'never have' sentiment to become 'never will.' My reasons include things like my appearance, my personality, and my intelligence level. All three of those things are my fault and mine alone.
Ever since middle school, I've hated the way I look; I don't think appearance mattered much to me in elementary school. I feel like I don't fit society's standards of what a beautiful woman should look like, and it really sucks. It sucks to go around and think that everyone is judging you because you're huge and not visually appealing. Am I starting to sound self-pitying right about now? My apologies, I am sincerely trying to change that part of myself though by eating well and exercising daily. Change won't happen right away, but at least I'm trying.
A lot of people seem to like me, but I honestly can't understand why. According to many people, I'm the nice and quiet type. Yeah, I guess I can agree with that. But there's this one thing that spoils my personality: my lack of confidence. I explained my lack of confidence to a couple of teachers and they thought it was somewhat comical so let me relay it to you now. I basically stated that I have no confidence in all situations so that if by chance something good happens then I can pleased with myself and feel good. When it comes to bad things happening, I'll still feel bad, but at least I had it coming. (I suppose that last bit is the funny part.)
And last but not least, my intelligence level. People have this belief, even without knowing me, that I am intelligent. You might be thinking that I should just shut up and take it as a compliment whether it is true or not. Truthfully, I don't see myself as intelligent. In fact, what is it that people base intelligence on? I've often wondered that. I met someone a few years ago and I thought he was brilliant, but he did so poorly in school because he didn't really care. I don't think intelligence can be measured on school smarts or street smarts, or even an IQ test. What makes you better than the person next to you anyway? Anyway, back to my point, I don't view myself as intelligent purely because I don't want to become arrogant. I have my own moments of arrogance and I don't like them. I'd rather be a humble person. However, I need to accept that certain things come easier for me than they do for others, and vice versa.
Even transplantation didn't "fix" me. I still don't feel worth it most of the time, but I want to feel worth it for her. She keeps me from truly destroying myself. I sometimes think about her and tell myself that I'm going to be happy for the both of us. I want to be confident for the both of us. I owe her that much. I'm not only living my own life, I'm living hers too. (I know a lot of people would love to argue about that with me, but unless you're a heart transplant recipient, you can't possibly understand.) Or rather, she is living within me and continuing her life through me. Either way, that's why I have to make these seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years worthwhile.
I kind of do want to talk about the song lyrics in the title. "Heaven forbid you end up alone" is from a song called Heaven Forbid by The Fray. (I am listening to it on repeat as I write this post.) I don't know the intended meaning of the song or for what purpose the song was written, but I have my own attachment to it.
Heaven Forbid by The Fray
"Twenty years, it's breaking you down
now that you understand there's no one around
Take a breath, just take a seat
you're falling apart and tearing at the seams
Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright"
now that you understand there's no one around
Take a breath, just take a seat
you're falling apart and tearing at the seams
Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright"
That bit is only the beginning part of the song, but every time I listen to it I can't help but feel something click. I don't want to be alone because of the way I perceive myself. If I keep this up and really let my self-pitying and insecure self rule over my life, I will end up alone. I know that I will relapse over and over again, but as long as I do my best and hold on, I know I can change. I need to start believing in myself like others do. I need to come to the realization that I am as brilliant as the next person.
I think I've sort of strayed away from my overall point, but oh well. I'm just trying to accept myself, change what I can, and work on being happy. It's much easier said than done, but I know I can do it if I work at it.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Pi Day
Well...Tomy blogged and Sam has blogged. So methinks I should blog too. Hi!
Today is Pi Day (3.14)! Unfortunately, I didn't have pie today, but would have liked to. Instead, my Calculus classmates and I were given a test, which I'm certain I failed badly. I made up a Calculus quiz that I had been dreading for the longest time ever. I'm sure I made a few mistakes, probably more. I felt pretty good about it, but I know I shouldn't since that probably means I failed. I have zero confidence when it comes to Calculus, or math in general these days.
The rest of the day went fine. I felt horrible during second block, but it's no different than usual. Calculus always makes me feel. It's rare if I ever feel good after Calculus. Although, I did manage to get a bit of work done in Web Tech, which was a pleasant surprise. It seems that I will be back on track by next week. Nothing really special happened for the rest of the school day.
After school was a different story. After my quiz, I went to the library to see what Book Club was up to since Sarah and Libby suggested that I drop by. Well, the Book Club meeting was just ending. (I always wanted to be part of Book Club and still do.) I was surprised to see that Joel was a member. I never knew that he was so it was a really nice discovery. I was also surprised at his demeanor. He was exceptionally kind and eloquent. It's always amazing to me when I'm able to hold a conversation with someone that I rarely talk to or associate with. Joel, Morgan, and I are so cool that we discussed our favorite pie in honor of Pi Day. We're cool.
Not much else to report on my end for now. I'm really excited for tomorrow though: Beware the Ides of March. (Joel and Morgan understand my excitement.)
There will be an update of all the things I've been watching (and maybe even reading) in the next few days or week to come. Netflix is fun! :D
Today is Pi Day (3.14)! Unfortunately, I didn't have pie today, but would have liked to. Instead, my Calculus classmates and I were given a test, which I'm certain I failed badly. I made up a Calculus quiz that I had been dreading for the longest time ever. I'm sure I made a few mistakes, probably more. I felt pretty good about it, but I know I shouldn't since that probably means I failed. I have zero confidence when it comes to Calculus, or math in general these days.
The rest of the day went fine. I felt horrible during second block, but it's no different than usual. Calculus always makes me feel. It's rare if I ever feel good after Calculus. Although, I did manage to get a bit of work done in Web Tech, which was a pleasant surprise. It seems that I will be back on track by next week. Nothing really special happened for the rest of the school day.
After school was a different story. After my quiz, I went to the library to see what Book Club was up to since Sarah and Libby suggested that I drop by. Well, the Book Club meeting was just ending. (I always wanted to be part of Book Club and still do.) I was surprised to see that Joel was a member. I never knew that he was so it was a really nice discovery. I was also surprised at his demeanor. He was exceptionally kind and eloquent. It's always amazing to me when I'm able to hold a conversation with someone that I rarely talk to or associate with. Joel, Morgan, and I are so cool that we discussed our favorite pie in honor of Pi Day. We're cool.
Not much else to report on my end for now. I'm really excited for tomorrow though: Beware the Ides of March. (Joel and Morgan understand my excitement.)
There will be an update of all the things I've been watching (and maybe even reading) in the next few days or week to come. Netflix is fun! :D
Friday, February 8, 2013
An Update of All Things Netflix, Anime, and Manga
By the sound of this blog post, everyone will be aware of just how much time I've been procrastinating. Anyway, I have a lot to update on. I think I'll start with the Asian stuff first.
Okay. Korean dramas. I finished watching 49 Days, which was absolutely gorgeous and so well done. It had an amazing story line and I just loved the idea of it. It was extremely depressing and made me cry. It had numerous themes: life, death, love, friendship, betrayal, etc. The main character died when it wasn't her time and was given a second chance to live again by inhabiting the body of a woman and trying to find three people who truly love her, outside of her family. Her goal was to collect tears from those three people. It made me wonder about who truly loves me, outside of my family. It made me think about life and death a lot more. It made me curious about what true love feels like.
I've also watched and finished You're Beautiful and Heartstrings, both of which star Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa. In all honesty, while I did enjoy You're Beautiful, I liked Heartstrings much more. I really enjoy shows where the relationship between the main girl and the main guy is one of dislike. And then as time passes, the relationship begins to blossom into something more and the characters realize they have feelings for the other. I wonder if that ever happens in real life. Anyway, both dramas involved music. I think the reason why I liked Heartstrings more was in part due to the fact that Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa's characters get a second chance at love. It also felt more comfortable and easier to relate to since it developed in a college setting. Although, I did like how all three guys end up falling for Park Shin-hye's character in You're Beautiful. Still, Heartstrings moved me more.
I don't ever usually watch anything outside of Korean stuff, when it comes to dramas and movies, but I somehow ended up watching a Taiwanese movie called Miao Miao. I actually really liked it. It wasn't an action movie. It was a soft movie with the major themes being friendship and love. It was sweet and bitter at the same time, a nice depiction of the beginning of the emotional journey that is life.
I'm currently in the process of watching a Japanese movie called Rainbow Song. I really like it. It makes me sad inside though, because it's basically one of those movies where a guy and a girl who are friends end up falling for each other and neither one has the courage to say that they care about the other. Then, they lose their chance forever. I haven't actually finished it yet, but it makes me regret not saying, "I love you" when I should have, especially in the moment when I knew that I'd never get the chance to say it again.
Onto anime now. I haven't actually been watching anything as of recently since I've been so focused on K-dramas. I did discover that one of my friends from camp, Breanne, likes anime too. That makes me happy because I can add one more thing that the two of us have in common. :)
As for manga, I recently finished After School Nightmare. It was interesting and different than the usual stuff. I liked it. I read and finished Legal Drug and started the ongoing continuation of it called Drug & Drop. I also started Blood C. I love my CLAMP! Watanuki shows up in D&D. I was so happy! I love Watanuki. Kohaku, from Kobato, also appears. It makes me very happy to see them.
While I have been watching the K-dramas and movies on Netflix, I've been watching a couple of TV shows. One of them is a Canadian cartoon called Ruby Gloom, which I absolutely love. It's a gothic style cartoon, but the main character Ruby Gloom is so positive. The show is really funny. I'm glad that not that many people know about it, but it still makes me sad though, because people won't get to experience the awesomeness that is Ruby Gloom.
And now for the grand finale! A little while back ago, I thought I'd check out Doctor Who. I finished the third episode of the first season recently. I'm currently asking myself why I wasn't watching it before. I really really enjoy it. It's amazing. I'm glad my curiosity got the best of me. I found a treasure and I'm not backing out now.
I haven't finished Merlin yet, even though it's over and done with. I also haven't finished a couple of Korean dramas, Summer Scent and Autumn in My Heart. Right now though, I want to focus on Doctor Who.
Yes...this is what my spare time consists of. Don't judge me.
Okay. Korean dramas. I finished watching 49 Days, which was absolutely gorgeous and so well done. It had an amazing story line and I just loved the idea of it. It was extremely depressing and made me cry. It had numerous themes: life, death, love, friendship, betrayal, etc. The main character died when it wasn't her time and was given a second chance to live again by inhabiting the body of a woman and trying to find three people who truly love her, outside of her family. Her goal was to collect tears from those three people. It made me wonder about who truly loves me, outside of my family. It made me think about life and death a lot more. It made me curious about what true love feels like.
I've also watched and finished You're Beautiful and Heartstrings, both of which star Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa. In all honesty, while I did enjoy You're Beautiful, I liked Heartstrings much more. I really enjoy shows where the relationship between the main girl and the main guy is one of dislike. And then as time passes, the relationship begins to blossom into something more and the characters realize they have feelings for the other. I wonder if that ever happens in real life. Anyway, both dramas involved music. I think the reason why I liked Heartstrings more was in part due to the fact that Park Shin-hye and Jung Yong-hwa's characters get a second chance at love. It also felt more comfortable and easier to relate to since it developed in a college setting. Although, I did like how all three guys end up falling for Park Shin-hye's character in You're Beautiful. Still, Heartstrings moved me more.
I don't ever usually watch anything outside of Korean stuff, when it comes to dramas and movies, but I somehow ended up watching a Taiwanese movie called Miao Miao. I actually really liked it. It wasn't an action movie. It was a soft movie with the major themes being friendship and love. It was sweet and bitter at the same time, a nice depiction of the beginning of the emotional journey that is life.
I'm currently in the process of watching a Japanese movie called Rainbow Song. I really like it. It makes me sad inside though, because it's basically one of those movies where a guy and a girl who are friends end up falling for each other and neither one has the courage to say that they care about the other. Then, they lose their chance forever. I haven't actually finished it yet, but it makes me regret not saying, "I love you" when I should have, especially in the moment when I knew that I'd never get the chance to say it again.
Onto anime now. I haven't actually been watching anything as of recently since I've been so focused on K-dramas. I did discover that one of my friends from camp, Breanne, likes anime too. That makes me happy because I can add one more thing that the two of us have in common. :)
As for manga, I recently finished After School Nightmare. It was interesting and different than the usual stuff. I liked it. I read and finished Legal Drug and started the ongoing continuation of it called Drug & Drop. I also started Blood C. I love my CLAMP! Watanuki shows up in D&D. I was so happy! I love Watanuki. Kohaku, from Kobato, also appears. It makes me very happy to see them.
While I have been watching the K-dramas and movies on Netflix, I've been watching a couple of TV shows. One of them is a Canadian cartoon called Ruby Gloom, which I absolutely love. It's a gothic style cartoon, but the main character Ruby Gloom is so positive. The show is really funny. I'm glad that not that many people know about it, but it still makes me sad though, because people won't get to experience the awesomeness that is Ruby Gloom.
And now for the grand finale! A little while back ago, I thought I'd check out Doctor Who. I finished the third episode of the first season recently. I'm currently asking myself why I wasn't watching it before. I really really enjoy it. It's amazing. I'm glad my curiosity got the best of me. I found a treasure and I'm not backing out now.
I haven't finished Merlin yet, even though it's over and done with. I also haven't finished a couple of Korean dramas, Summer Scent and Autumn in My Heart. Right now though, I want to focus on Doctor Who.
Yes...this is what my spare time consists of. Don't judge me.
Monday, February 4, 2013
People
People are strange. They are never what you expect them to be. I should know that by now. I'm amazed and fascinated with the people around me. I feel so much for them, especially for the ones who are struggling with something. How have they managed to be strong for so long? People think I'm strong, but compared to the people I've met, I feel as though I pale in comparison.
People hide so much. They keep so much inside. It's just not healthy. I worry for some of the people that I know. What's going to happen to them when they break? I can't let them break. The sad truth is that when some people break, they can never pull themselves back together. I don't want that to happen to anyone.
I want people to realize that I do care. Yes, I'll admit that I am a nosy person and I'm extremely curious, but I'm not crude and heartless. I don't give good advice, or rather I suck at it. But I'm always willing to listen. It makes me feel good to hear other people talk about what they are dealing with. It puts things into perspective for me.
I just want to help people. I don't know how I can, but I want to nonetheless. I want people to trust me. I want to be one of the "good guys."
People hide so much. They keep so much inside. It's just not healthy. I worry for some of the people that I know. What's going to happen to them when they break? I can't let them break. The sad truth is that when some people break, they can never pull themselves back together. I don't want that to happen to anyone.
I want people to realize that I do care. Yes, I'll admit that I am a nosy person and I'm extremely curious, but I'm not crude and heartless. I don't give good advice, or rather I suck at it. But I'm always willing to listen. It makes me feel good to hear other people talk about what they are dealing with. It puts things into perspective for me.
I just want to help people. I don't know how I can, but I want to nonetheless. I want people to trust me. I want to be one of the "good guys."
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