A Summer Sunset

Today I had the wonderful opportunity to have dinner at Tracy Fitzsimmon's (SU's president) house with other presidential scholars. And, as you can probably assume, I went to her house. Upon arrival, I was really awkward and shy/quiet. Of course, Tracy being who she is, had two returning presidential scholars go on a brief walk with a new presidential scholar. And I actually DID talk to the two returning presidential scholars that I happened to be paired with. With the help of Alex and Dorothy, I think I started to unwind a little bit. 

We all ventured inside of Tracy's house to go and have dinner. Now, she wanted us to NOT sit next to someone we had previously talked to. It was funny because Dorothy, Alex, and I sat at the same table. And I was extremely lucky because Silvino came to sit next to me. He's just someone who makes you smile and laugh for no reason. Chad, who is a biology and chemistry double major, sat on the other side of me. Garrett, who's also a freshman, was at the table with us; I remembered Garrett from the presidential scholar breakfast we had a few months ago. I think my table was the luckiest because we got Tracy. We managed a little bit of small talk. And today was one of the first times that I've been honest about how it feels to be a commuter. It does feel lonely, but maybe it won't always be that way. 

After dinner, we went upstairs to have dessert. Dessert was delicious. Apple pie and whatever the other thing was. So good. During dessert, I was being awkward again. Actually, up until this point, I was still being awkward. Thankfully, I was saved by Zack and Chad. This is when I discovered Chad's double major and also the trip to New York. Zack talked about his experience there when he had gone and it really sounded like such a good time. I mean, I've been to New York before, but I've never been sightseeing before so I'm looking forward to it. 

And the highlight of the night happened after dessert when we all went outside as a group. Some of us decided we wanted to feed the two horses; we fed the horses carrots and apples. It was a new experience and it was exciting. We were all just having a good time with each other. Silvino took a selfie with one of the horses; it was a good time. We all kind of dispersed after feeding the horses. Some people stayed by the fence and continued to talk, others were seen playing soccer, and the rest of us were just talking in small groups. I was in a group with Mirando, Kriti, Sapana and Tracy. It wasn't an extremely long conversation, but we all chimed in. Family, future, our majors, our lives. 

The sun was setting as it neared 8. A summer sunset. A moment of honest happiness. A feeling of hope for the future. A feeling of warmth and togetherness that I hadn't experienced in a group of so many people. And a curious wondering about whether or not these budding friendships will bloom and thrive. I'm still shy, but in this group of my own, I'm willing to try. I think the best part is that I don't have to fake it. It will take time, but next year I'd like to greet everyone with hugs. Just when I was unwinding, I had to leave. I surprised myself tonight. I didn't expect to have already fallen for them. Such different personalities, but all so kind at heart. I'm still iffy, but this is the first step in the right direction for me, I think.

You know those seemingly perfect scenes that sometimes happen in slice of life anime? That's what tonight felt like. The perfect sunset. 

I'm slowly remembering how to smile the way I used to. I'm remembering how to be me.