Feeling Lonely

I've realized that I don't like being alone. Every now and then, I like being by myself. After a while though, it just gets lonely. That's when I start to get cranky and snappy. 

I'm the youngest in my family. While my siblings have watched me grow, I've also watched them grow. I've seen them graduate from high school, college, and pretty much all other schooling they've had. I watched them get jobs. I watched a couple of them get married (not all of them are married yet!) and buy houses. One of my brothers even has a daughter. In the shadows of my loneliness, I watched them grow up and become adults. 

I'm still in high school and still at home. My siblings don't come home as often as they used to so it gets lonely. I didn't really have them as I was growing up. I still kind of don't have them as I continue to grow. They have their own lives now. When I was a kid, I had my cousins and friends from school. That was nice, but I was still alone. I still feel alone sometimes.

I'm not exactly the lone wolf type of person, but I very well could have been. My guidance counselor in middle school was lovely. I liked him a lot. He used to tell me that I need to break out of my shell, that I need to put myself out there. I guess I was one of the quieter kids in middle school. I went through a tough time in 7th grade. I think that might have made me pull back even further within myself. 

If I went back in time, I think I'd probably slap middle school me. Middle school me was depressing and had issues. I'll give myself a break for the beginning of 7th grade. That was a difficult time.

I bet some people are thinking that if I don't want to be lonely, I should just hit up some friends and do something. I do that sometimes and other times I wait to be asked to do something. It's probably just my own fault that I feel lonely. I just need something to do with my life.