WHY?

People think I'm innocent and sweet. Some think I don't know what they really do, but I do. I'm not that stupid. Others have told me of their experiences and habits in such casual tones. And all I really want to know is WHY?

Why is being a drinker and/or a marijuana lover socially accepted? Why is it okay? 

Back in my junior year, I sort of began to not care what people did. At the same time though, I wished nothing more than for them to stop. Now, I'm back at the stance I started out on. I just want people to stop, but I know they won't.

Apparently, it's fun to get drunk and high. I wouldn't know though. I don't care to know. It's not my idea of a fun time.

Why do I sound so worried and/or ticked off? Because people I care about do this crap. I get it, it's fun for them. It's something they like, so they do it. It's a tool for some to get away from people, stress, and real life. I get it. But at the same time, no...I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

Tell me, how am I supposed to react when one of my best friends announces to me that she drinks? What do I say to the guy who's okay with getting high just because he made a promise to a bunch of other people to do so? And what about the girl I've known since forever who does both of these things?

I know, I bet I sound like I'm overreacting. Some people would tell me to mind my own business and let people do what they want to do. Believe me when I say that's what I've done and sometimes it makes me feel disgusted with myself.

A few friends and I have this joke that I'll be their designated driver when we're all 21. It's just a joke that comes up from time to time. It doesn't particularly bother me, but I don't want it to be reality.

Part of me has been saying that if something happens to one of my friends because of their choices, I might be there, but I won't be kind. If something terrible happens to any of them, I want them to know that. Sure, even this part of me would be sad if a friend died because of this stuff, but this side is also saying that they deserved it.

I'll never understand why people will throw away their lives when they have so much potential. There are so many others who deserve to live.

I'm annoyed. I'm worried. I'm angry. I hate this. I'm indifferent about this. I'm overreacting. I don't care. I do care. I'm not making sense.

And yes, if I sound like I don't know anything, it's because I don't.

I'm just...I don't even know.

Let me see how many other friends of mine I'll discover as having this kind of a life.

EDIT: I need to calm down...geez, younger me. People will do what they want to do. 

1984

I guess this is a good time to talk about 1984. I'm not quite in the zone like I was on Friday during English, but I'll still give it a go. On Friday, I realized that I actually like 1984 a lot more than I thought I did. My reason? Discussion. That's it. Discussing the book made me like it more. It's not so much the book itself that I enjoyed, but the message of the book and what the author wanted to say. It might be wrong of me to add this, but the only part of the book I loved was the torture and questioning. That's when I started thinking more in depth.

This is, in my opinion, one of those books that can screw you over really badly. It's scary how many similarities can be found between the book and life today. I don't like that. It bothers me. What if everything I know is a lie? Where is the past but in our own minds? There is no evidence of the past besides documentation, in the form of writing or pictures, and memory. And when documentation is gone, it becomes my memory against another person's. But memory can be altered as well, memory can be tampered with. How can I know anything for sure then?

Mrs. Adams-Legge (my English teacher) said that the book is supposed to make us think. It's supposed to make us question things. I mean, for all I know, 2+2 could equal 5. But maybe I'm thinking too much and just being dramatic. Who knows?

Keith

No, I don't know a person named Keith. I'm talking about the 2008 movie starring Jesse McCartney and Elisabeth Harnois. I watched it on what I considered to be late on Thursday night, but was technically early Friday morning; I didn't sleep until three. I really loved the movie. It was somewhat typical I suppose, but it reached me. It made me cry. Let me tell you a little bit about it. 

The movie is basically about the relationship that develops between this girl named Natalie and this guy named Keith. Natalie is your typical popular intelligent girl that you see in books, TV shows, and other movies. Her supposed goal is to make it into Duke on a tennis scholarship, but it's not really her dream. Now, Keith is very strange. He does what he wants and doesn't live by the rules. He's awfully carefree and he loves his yellow truck. Anyway, Natalie and Keith get paired together in chemistry. Their relationship gradually develops from there. Keith and Natalie end up spending a lot of time together, despite the fact that Natalie has a boyfriend named Rafael. BUT, there's a twist in Natalie and Keith's story. Natalie finds out that Keith is on antidepressants and later finds out that he is dying of cancer. Natalie becomes upset because Keith did not tell her. Of course, they make up and Natalie helps Keith come to terms with leaving. Natalie graduates from high school and it is assumed that Keith has passed away. By the end of the movie, Natalie has become very much like Keith and sets out to fulfill Keith's dream of attending a truck festival. 

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is where Keith and Natalie are laying in the back of his yellow truck at the cliff (Keith's spot), which overlooks "The Brick" (the place where the populars hang out). Natalie notices the truck moving and gets out. She frantically screams at Keith to jump to safety, but Keith isn't listening to her. At the last second, he jumps into the front seat and stops the truck. Natalie gets angry and asks him if he was trying to kill himself. The funny part is that the opening scene shows Natalie in the back of Keith's truck. Towards the end of the movie, it continues the opening scene and Natalie does just as Keith did. She waits until the last second to stop the truck. 

There were a lot of other really nice and/or funny scenes throughout the movie as well. Another one of my favorite scenes was probably the "bowling" scene. Keith picks Natalie up at 4 in the morning and they go "bowling." By "bowling," I mean that Keith convinces Natalie to put bowling balls onto people's lawns and/or porches (can't really remember), including their chemistry teacher. They also go to a diner and end up leaving their two remaining bowling balls, Cosmo and Patsy, with a note saying to take care of them. It's a pretty funny scene, but mostly because of the music. 

Time to be serious! I really enjoyed the movie because of how Keith changes Natalie. The more time Natalie spends with Keith, the more she is set free. And I liked that. The other thing I really liked was that Keith didn't tell her about having cancer. I guess it's an important detail, but it's not like he's obligated to tell her. He just wanted to have fun with his remaining time. 


...I bet most of this doesn't make any sense, which is why you should watch the movie! It's on Netflix! Also, it has a really nice soundtrack. Listen to the soundtrack and maybe it will convince you to watch the movie. 

Labor Day Weekend

I had a fairly nice weekend. I went to my brother's (Rehaan) house on Friday night. Nothing too special happened on Friday night, except for having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I spent my Saturday doing nothing of particular interest or fun until the afternoon and the evening. My sister-in-law, Farah, and I watched some Ugly Betty together. Love that show! We met my sister, Aisha, at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner; it was my first time going there. After that, my sister and I went to Macy's where I got my first pair of Levi's; I actually got 3 pairs of high rise Levi's and they feel incredible. On Sunday, we (my dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, my sister, and I) went to ISNA. The bazaar was insane. Muslims are crazy, or rather "Muslims be crazy" (thanks Deepak). I rode the metro for the very first time and it made me think of 5 Centimeters Per Second. Back at my brother's house that night, Farah, Aisha, and I watched Ugly Betty and The Princess Bride. And that takes us to today, which was somewhat fun since I met up with Lauren and Kasey. 

That's my brief explanation of my weekend. It went better than I expected. 

Second Day of Senior Year

Today was my first Day 2 of senior year. I wanted to share my Day 2, how I felt and stuff. I'm not doing this for tomorrow or any other day after this unless it's special or of importance. 

Anyway, Elizabeth picked me up again. Once at school, I met up with my auditorium crew. I finally gave Kasey her birthday present. We stood around and chatted until the bell. It felt nice. I had wanted to go see Mrs. Britton, but I didn't want to pull myself away. 

AP Calculus was first up today. I love Mrs. Berry! She's so awesome. I'm so glad I have her. I feel nervous about math though. I need to do well. I'm planning on having a study group. 

Web Tech was the class that followed. I'll be honest, it was slightly boring, but that's only because of all of the rules and such. I love Mrs. Ritter though, and I think I'm going to enjoy the class when things get moving. Maybe I'll develop a creative side. 

Lunch was nice. I saw Aarti and chatted with her and Casey. I've missed Aarti. I don't see her often so it's really great when I do. She's so easy to talk to. Study hall was fun. I was blabbing to Kaelyn and Julia...I can't call it conversing since I did most of the talking. 

I was dreading Med Systems, but it turned out to be okay. There were three nice things that happened during this class today: 

1) Matthew, the junior who sat behind me yesterday, kind of asked me for help with math. Right after he had asked, our teacher decided to give us assigned seats...in alphabetical order. I felt slightly upset because I don't think I was able to help Matthew and also because we have to sit in alphabetical order. (No one likes sitting in the front!) I thought the assigned seats would bring an end to all conversation with him...NOPE!

2) We all logged into the computers and went to the S drive to look at pictures. Why? Simple, we were told to. I stumbled upon a picture advertising the RCL (Red Carpet Lounge) and that's when Morgan and I started to recall our freshman year. We had Computer Apps right at the end of the day and I remember that she and a couple of other girls would always buy skittles. Recollection of our freshman year was nostalgic. It's amazing how much I've forgotten. I wonder what my juniors are up to and what they're doing now. (Well, they were my juniors when I was in freshman year. I guess they're second years in college now.)

3) Med Systems is kind of going to be like Honors Human Anatomy & Physiology all over again, except it won't be. I'll be re-learning old material and adding new terminology and information to what I already know, but it's not the same. Med Systems will never replace Anatomy. I don't expect it to be as fun as Anatomy was, but it might be a little bit of fun along the way. (I might actually be considered smart in this class!)

And last but not least, there was Sociology. It's an amazing class. (Claire, if you're reading this, I want you to know that you were right. I do like sociology.) I learned that I cannot tell when people are lying. I also cannot trick other people into thinking that my lies are the truth. Basically, I'm not cut out for lying. Oh, and I can't write the alphabet backwards in 30 seconds... When we were forced to introduce ourselves at the beginning of class, Mr. Walker asked us to tell the class what our favorite colour is. I honestly don't have a favorite colour, but I always say green; I think my favorite colour just changes a lot. (It might be dependent on my mood. I was tempted to say blue.) Colour psychology is interesting to me. 

I didn't take the bus home today. Alley and Taylor dropped me off at home instead. 

And that's my Day 2... it must not make sense to anyone, but I don't even know where to start explaining things. I won't do this for tomorrow, I promise! 

First Day of Senior Year

The first day of my senior year...so surreal. It felt too much like a dream. That feeling will pass soon enough though. 

Elizabeth picked me up this morning and drove me to school. I'm so lucky to have friends that are willing to take me to school. Before I stopped by the auditorium to meet up with my usual morning crew, I met Tianhui by chance. After hugging my morning crew and chatting for a bit, I rushed off to the library to meet the crazies. (Sarah, if you are reading this, I don't have an answer to your question. Also, I left before you could continue the awkwardness. Saved by the bell!)

First up was AP English, the only class I have with Casey, which is so depressing. I think English will be fun. I have a small group of people that I can talk to and we all sit near each other for the most part so it'll be a fun year...hopefully!

AP Physics was surprisingly a fun time. The new teacher is really nice and a lot of fun too. Physics will probably be the class that I do the worst in. My mind is not wired for physics. Luckily, the new teacher is supposed to be good so maybe I can learn something. 

Lunch and study hall were fine, nothing too special there. 

Med Systems, oh dear. This is the class I have every single day for the rest of my senior year. It's rather depressing to me at this point since most of the class consists of juniors. I was able to strike up conversation with one of the juniors though. I think I'll be able to become friends with him, I hope. 

And last but not least, US Government. Paul and I got stuck in a class full of potheads (those were not my words, he's the one who pointed it out). Surprisingly, I didn't get bored like I had expected to. I was actually interested in what Mr. Davis said. 

I rode the bus home instead of hitching a ride back with Elizabeth, even though I probably could have. It felt strange and funny to do so. I can't wait to see how Day 2 goes.

Did I bore you?

A Blissful Afternoon

Today, I went to Haley's house for lunch. She came to pick me up after gov school, and off we went. When we arrived, Mittens (THE CAT! SOOOOO CUTE!) led us to the house. I'm not even joking, that adorable cat led the way. (I'm a cat person; all of this talk about Mittens is kind of irrelevant though.) Shortly after arriving, Haley's mum, Abby (her sister), Haley, and I went outside to eat lunch. We had pesto pasta and buttered rolls, if you were wondering. It was really good. I like food.

After eating, the Gibbsters and I went inside and up to her room to hang out. We chatted a little bit and watched a couple of things. She finally got to see my hair. She seemed to be pretty excited, seeing as she combed my hair... After that, we put on this stuff (see picture below). It was really fun to see my face all green and have my hair up. I mean it, my hair was UP! Fun experience and very relaxing. Can't wait to do it again!

But the relaxation and enjoyment didn't stop there! We went outside and had ice cream and lychee tea. While outside, we talked about colleges and things like that. It was a peaceful time. After some time, we went back inside and upstairs to Haley's room. She showed me commonapps.com commonapp.org, which is really going to help with applications for college.

Being with Haley for the afternoon was honestly really wonderful. I felt so at ease. My worries and negativity wash away when I'm with her. She knows how to make people feel good. She's a great person to talk to. I don't hang out with Haley that often since she's always so busy, but I'm hoping that will change. I like being around Haley. I'm definitely glad that I met her and became friends with her in freshman year.

Life is good. :)