The First Week of College

Well, I've successfully survived my first week of college as a freshman. A freshman commuter student, I should add. And I will be honest, it wasn't half as terrible as I'd expected it to be. In keeping with honesty though, it wasn't particularly full of rainbows and sunshine either. I don't want anyone to think that I'm denouncing my college, because I'm not. College is different for everyone. And I know that I sound really pessimistic (because I kind of am), but there were some good moments that occurred in the week. Now, let's see how much I remember, shall we?

Monday. First day of classes. Four classes. Three of the four classes in a row. First class of the day was/is statistics. The first class wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My professor is out for the semester so a different professor is teaching the course. He's sarcastic, I like that. He basically spent the whole first class telling us that we have to major in something meaningful, in something that will allow us to be able to get a job after college. My second class was/is biology. I was really surprised when I got to the room because it seemed like all the seats were taken. I located the first open seat I saw and hesitantly went to sit down. I sat next to a guy named Ansel, and across from him sitting in a seat against the wall was a guy named Evan. (I told myself I wasn't going to use names, but I figured it's fine since they'll never read this.) They're both sophomores, and they seem nice. My third class was/is Spanish and I was dreading it. I was really nervous, because it's an intermediate Spanish class. I actually thought I was the only freshman in the class, but I have since then discovered that there is another freshman besides myself and that is a great relief to me. Break in between for lunch. Did we go to the Dining Hall that day, Brittany? I think we did. First year seminar after that. Goofy/awkward introductions, but not bad. And then.....HOME FREE...because I didn't go to work.

That was my Monday. No, I'm not going to talk about the rest of the week in that format so you can relax. On Tuesdays, I only have chemistry. Tuesday was the first day I went to work. It was also the day I met Donna and Sherry. They're a lot of fun to be around and I really like them. I have to watch The Big Bang Theory for them. Wednesday was my worst day. It was rainy and I made the grave mistake of wearing black flats and white socks. My shoes and socks got soaked. I went home to remedy that situation and came back to school only to be stuck there for at least 7 hours straight. On Wednesdays, I have the same classes that I have on Mondays with the addition of chem lab at 7, which really sucks. I went into work on Wednesday a bit later than I should have because I really hit it off with Liz, one of my FYS mentors. And for the first time at SU, it felt like someone understood my perspective and how I felt. On Thursdays, I have chem in the morning and bio lab at 3:30. I feel the opposite of intelligent in bio lab. On the upside, I met another sophomore. Her name is Annie and she's also in my biology class. And my Fridays are just the same as my Mondays. Carolyn showed me the ropes at work on Friday, which was really nice. I saw Allie in her cubicle and it made me happy.

So, how do I feel about my classes/labs after my first week? I feel okay. I'm not as nervous about Spanish anymore. I feel like it's possible to survive the class. I'm still not thrilled about my two labs. Statistics is super boring and I'm amazed that I didn't fall asleep in class on Wednesday or Friday. Biology will be just fine, I'm sure. And chemistry won't be so bad either. I mean, it's really hard to sit there and be annoyed because Dr. Ca just makes you perk up. FYS will probably be fine as well.

How do I feel in general? Still a bit left out and alone. I don't have any new friends, but that's okay. I still have friends, it's just that most of them aren't here with me. I guess I'll make new friends eventually. For now though, I suppose I'm just fine on my own.

Brain Dump

I have a lot on my mind at the moment. I don't know if it is normal for me or not. I've been overly emotional for the past few days. I'd like to blame that on my medication, but I can't blame my emotions on my medication forever, especially when I'm not even on steroids anymore. No, whatever I'm feeling is a result of my mind wandering and searching. Why is my mind wandering and what am I searching so desperately for? I still don't know yet. This entire post is going to be a jumbled mess of thoughts, more so than usual so I apologize in advance. 

I was thinking about my DCM friend, Carol, today. I've been thinking of her every now and then. She hasn't emailed me lately. I've been meaning to email her, but I don't want to keep giving her my life story. It's not fair to her. I wonder how she and her family are doing, especially her grandson. She tells me about his life when it relates to what I say to her. I should email her soon and make sure everything is okay. 

There's something important that I still haven't done. I need to send a letter to my donor family. It's absolutely necessary that I write to them this summer. I want them to know how grateful I am for the decision they made. I don't mean to open up their wounds, but I need to reach out to them. I need to know about the girl whose death gave me my life back. I need to know about her.

I was thinking about sleeping early tonight. Early meaning before 2 in the AM. I'm still awake though. Like I mentioned already, I've been overly emotional. I don't know why. Maybe it's just who I am. If that's the case, then I hate that about myself. Anyway, I wanted to sleep early because I was starting to feel depressed. Then, I noticed that Casey had texted me. Her text prompted me to stay awake and blog instead. 

I've been feeling a mixture of sadness and jealousy for a while. I feel unwanted by certain people. It's almost as though I'm not good enough to be friends with them. I'm jealous because I'm not needed in their lives. I could run away and those people wouldn't care one bit. They wouldn't wonder where I've gone or if I'm even safe. I've realized that we cross paths with many people in life and walk with them for some time on the same path. The sad truth is that we often go our own way without ever walking down another path together again. And then we wonder if our loyalty meant anything at all. 

Casey and I talked about dreams via text messaging. Her dreams are strange, but they seem to be in the norm, whatever that may be. I'm glad I can remember dreams after I wake up, but the details, the most important ones at that, often become fuzzy for me. I'd like to believe that I write down my dreams correctly according to what happens in them, but I can never be entirely sure.

I like dreaming. Lately, I've wanted to stay in my dream world instead of living in the real world, where I've been riding a coaster of silly emotions. Dreams are lovely and sometimes much better than reality. In dreams, anything and everything is possible. Of course, that should hold true for reality as well, but I don't think it does since we are limited by ourselves and those around us. Dreams are special for many reasons, but I'll just give a few. Unlike real life, you can see anyone in dreams, including those who are no longer of the real world, here on Earth. Another wondrous thing about dreams is that they can take place in any setting and even in any colour; I have yet to dream in black and white or anything else besides full colour. I think I hear sounds within my dreams because I sometimes remember things that seem to have been said. Maybe dreams are like movies with the sound turned off and the captions turned on. I've always thought that dreams were interesting, kind of like a second life. Truthfully, I sometimes enjoy my second life better than this one.

I feel better now, much cleaner. I'm sure there's plenty of junk left in my brain that I forgot to sweep out. When it comes to be too much, I'll clean up again. Right now, I'm ready to sleep and see if I can dream. Even if I don't dream tonight, it'll be okay since Alley and Taylor will be coming over. I can't wait to see them.