Procrastination, Contemplation

I should be studying right now, but I am continuing my procrastination for just a little bit longer to reflect on the semester a little bit. I plan on hopefully getting a decent bit of studying done tonight even though all I want to do is sleep.

I really don't know where to begin so I'll start with today. We had our last PK lecture of P1 year today and got cookies at the end as a treat. I was pretty cranky during class because I was worried about my exam grade. I needed to do so well on this past exam because I really put myself in a bad situation earlier on in the semester with PK. At the very least, I can be proud of myself for improving in PK- each exam grade has been higher than the last. Maybe I can continue the trend for the final exam if I'm lucky enough. The ability to do well and understand is somewhere inside of me. PK was my Achilles heel this semester, but it really didn't have to be if only I had given myself the time. I have one more chance to prove myself this semester. And I never go down without a fight.

I went to see 'A Quiet Place' this afternoon with Amanda, Christian, Sandrine, Jasmine, Cloud, and Dan. It was an okay movie with some more than okay people. I was only a little bit disappointed by the ending. It seemed like a lot of trouble for the way it ended. Still, I appreciated the suspense/thrill of it all.

The more time that passes of pharmacy school, the happier and sadder I become. It's like when I was back at SU and couldn't imagine myself anywhere else but there. Well, it happened again. And it keeps happening in more than just my education, it happens at work too. Change has always been what I'm most afraid. With summer approaching, I'm worried that things will change, that I will lose everyone. It's a constant and irrational worry, but maybe it's time for me to leave it up to them. I'll still be here as I have been with outstretched hands waiting to be held and to hold.

I wonder when we all started falling into place. I appreciate that we mingle with each other. Everyone has their own usual crew, but our bonds with each other on the whole are pretty strong. There's always a kind word to be said, a laugh to be shared, love to be given and reciprocated. The support was there from the beginning and it continues to grow. It's a lot easier to believe in yourself, to love yourself, when other people do too.

Thank you for being there to lift me up when I put myself down.