Well, I've successfully survived my first week of college as a freshman. A freshman commuter student, I should add. And I will be honest, it wasn't half as terrible as I'd expected it to be. In keeping with honesty though, it wasn't particularly full of rainbows and sunshine either. I don't want anyone to think that I'm denouncing my college, because I'm not. College is different for everyone. And I know that I sound really pessimistic (because I kind of am), but there were some good moments that occurred in the week. Now, let's see how much I remember, shall we?
Monday. First day of classes. Four classes. Three of the four classes in a row. First class of the day was/is statistics. The first class wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My professor is out for the semester so a different professor is teaching the course. He's sarcastic, I like that. He basically spent the whole first class telling us that we have to major in something meaningful, in something that will allow us to be able to get a job after college. My second class was/is biology. I was really surprised when I got to the room because it seemed like all the seats were taken. I located the first open seat I saw and hesitantly went to sit down. I sat next to a guy named Ansel, and across from him sitting in a seat against the wall was a guy named Evan. (I told myself I wasn't going to use names, but I figured it's fine since they'll never read this.) They're both sophomores, and they seem nice. My third class was/is Spanish and I was dreading it. I was really nervous, because it's an intermediate Spanish class. I actually thought I was the only freshman in the class, but I have since then discovered that there is another freshman besides myself and that is a great relief to me. Break in between for lunch. Did we go to the Dining Hall that day, Brittany? I think we did. First year seminar after that. Goofy/awkward introductions, but not bad. And then.....HOME FREE...because I didn't go to work.
That was my Monday. No, I'm not going to talk about the rest of the week in that format so you can relax. On Tuesdays, I only have chemistry. Tuesday was the first day I went to work. It was also the day I met Donna and Sherry. They're a lot of fun to be around and I really like them. I have to watch The Big Bang Theory for them. Wednesday was my worst day. It was rainy and I made the grave mistake of wearing black flats and white socks. My shoes and socks got soaked. I went home to remedy that situation and came back to school only to be stuck there for at least 7 hours straight. On Wednesdays, I have the same classes that I have on Mondays with the addition of chem lab at 7, which really sucks. I went into work on Wednesday a bit later than I should have because I really hit it off with Liz, one of my FYS mentors. And for the first time at SU, it felt like someone understood my perspective and how I felt. On Thursdays, I have chem in the morning and bio lab at 3:30. I feel the opposite of intelligent in bio lab. On the upside, I met another sophomore. Her name is Annie and she's also in my biology class. And my Fridays are just the same as my Mondays. Carolyn showed me the ropes at work on Friday, which was really nice. I saw Allie in her cubicle and it made me happy.
So, how do I feel about my classes/labs after my first week? I feel okay. I'm not as nervous about Spanish anymore. I feel like it's possible to survive the class. I'm still not thrilled about my two labs. Statistics is super boring and I'm amazed that I didn't fall asleep in class on Wednesday or Friday. Biology will be just fine, I'm sure. And chemistry won't be so bad either. I mean, it's really hard to sit there and be annoyed because Dr. Ca just makes you perk up. FYS will probably be fine as well.
How do I feel in general? Still a bit left out and alone. I don't have any new friends, but that's okay. I still have friends, it's just that most of them aren't here with me. I guess I'll make new friends eventually. For now though, I suppose I'm just fine on my own.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
It Begins Tomorrow
At long last, it begins tomorrow. What is 'it' you might ask? College. Or more accurately, college classes. Tomorrow is also the start of early waking, which I'm not really looking forward to.
I've had a really hard time dealing with how I feel about college. I've gone back and forth between being really pessimistic and slightly optimistic. Honestly, I'm trying to be indifferent about it. I'm trying to not have expectations, but it hasn't really worked. What can I say? Life as a commuter feels rough. It's going to be different.
My last day of summer is today. I haven't done anything productive. I have so much left to do in order to prepare for tomorrow. I still have to ready my bookbag with my books, binders, paper, pencils, electronics, and so on. I still have to pick out what to wear tomorrow...yes, I am one of those people. I've got laundry to do and two letters to write.
I wonder if college will change me. I've already felt myself changing ever so slightly. The ability to goof off, be sarcastic and sassy, I'm losing it. Looking back though, it took some time for that kind of me to surface. I'm quieter now than I used to be a few months ago, restless too. Maybe a bit sadder too, but that's my own doing. It reminds me of how I was during my junior year when I returned to school. I guess I'll perk up once I have a set routine.
I just hope I can handle my workload. Stress, I welcome you back into my life once again.
I've had a really hard time dealing with how I feel about college. I've gone back and forth between being really pessimistic and slightly optimistic. Honestly, I'm trying to be indifferent about it. I'm trying to not have expectations, but it hasn't really worked. What can I say? Life as a commuter feels rough. It's going to be different.
My last day of summer is today. I haven't done anything productive. I have so much left to do in order to prepare for tomorrow. I still have to ready my bookbag with my books, binders, paper, pencils, electronics, and so on. I still have to pick out what to wear tomorrow...yes, I am one of those people. I've got laundry to do and two letters to write.
I wonder if college will change me. I've already felt myself changing ever so slightly. The ability to goof off, be sarcastic and sassy, I'm losing it. Looking back though, it took some time for that kind of me to surface. I'm quieter now than I used to be a few months ago, restless too. Maybe a bit sadder too, but that's my own doing. It reminds me of how I was during my junior year when I returned to school. I guess I'll perk up once I have a set routine.
I just hope I can handle my workload. Stress, I welcome you back into my life once again.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Musings on Blossoming
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Can we blossom on command or at a fixed time, can we be forced to do so? I wonder. It hurts one's potential if they are forced, I think. There is a limit when it comes to pushing people. Some people don't see that, and inadvertently tarnish what could have been beautiful.
The difference between those who have blossomed and those who remain tightly in a bud, is it visible to those around us? I guess it depends on the person. You can see it on the outside with certain people. The ones who are still buds, sometimes you can see it in their eyes. Their eyes say, "I'm not ready."
If an opportunity for possibly blossoming arises, should it be taken? The obvious answer is yes. The hesitation shouldn't exist, but it does.
Can we blossom on command or at a fixed time, can we be forced to do so? I wonder. It hurts one's potential if they are forced, I think. There is a limit when it comes to pushing people. Some people don't see that, and inadvertently tarnish what could have been beautiful.
The difference between those who have blossomed and those who remain tightly in a bud, is it visible to those around us? I guess it depends on the person. You can see it on the outside with certain people. The ones who are still buds, sometimes you can see it in their eyes. Their eyes say, "I'm not ready."
If an opportunity for possibly blossoming arises, should it be taken? The obvious answer is yes. The hesitation shouldn't exist, but it does.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Expectations
Somehow, I feel like I've already talked about expectations on a previous post, but whatever. You get to hear about them again.
Today, my dad and I went to meet Mr. Wilkins, Jr. I received a scholarship from SU in his father's name. He told me about SU's humble beginnings and his father's hard work to help the university become what it is today. I also found out that Mrs. Cutshaw was the first recipient of the Wilkins scholarship, which was surprising and not surprising at the same time. It surprised me because I honestly didn't expect to hear about her. It didn't surprise me because that's just like her. Kind of a contradiction, I know.
Anyway, just before we left after meeting him, he basically wished the best for me. I can't really remember much from this morning anymore, but I think he said something about how people who get this scholarship end up doing great things. BAM. Expectation right there.
I'm not upset at his words or mannerisms or anything, because I'm guilty of having expectations too. Most of us, if not all, are guilty of it. Expectations can put such pressure on people though. It all depends on the person. Some people just brush it off. And others feel burdened by the mere thought of making a mistake. I'm one of the latter.
When I was younger, I knew what I wanted to be. I knew what I wanted to do. As I've gotten older, I've become unsure. It's silly to want to match up to what people expect of me, I know that. Being the youngest in my family and living in a competitive country as it is doesn't make it any easier though. If anything, it makes it more difficult. I've always felt pressured to do well. I've been trained to believe that I must do well or else.
If we had no expectations of people, would anything get done at all? Or is that a silly musing? I wonder.
Today, my dad and I went to meet Mr. Wilkins, Jr. I received a scholarship from SU in his father's name. He told me about SU's humble beginnings and his father's hard work to help the university become what it is today. I also found out that Mrs. Cutshaw was the first recipient of the Wilkins scholarship, which was surprising and not surprising at the same time. It surprised me because I honestly didn't expect to hear about her. It didn't surprise me because that's just like her. Kind of a contradiction, I know.
Anyway, just before we left after meeting him, he basically wished the best for me. I can't really remember much from this morning anymore, but I think he said something about how people who get this scholarship end up doing great things. BAM. Expectation right there.
I'm not upset at his words or mannerisms or anything, because I'm guilty of having expectations too. Most of us, if not all, are guilty of it. Expectations can put such pressure on people though. It all depends on the person. Some people just brush it off. And others feel burdened by the mere thought of making a mistake. I'm one of the latter.
When I was younger, I knew what I wanted to be. I knew what I wanted to do. As I've gotten older, I've become unsure. It's silly to want to match up to what people expect of me, I know that. Being the youngest in my family and living in a competitive country as it is doesn't make it any easier though. If anything, it makes it more difficult. I've always felt pressured to do well. I've been trained to believe that I must do well or else.
If we had no expectations of people, would anything get done at all? Or is that a silly musing? I wonder.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Change
Change is funny, isn't it? It happens so gradually. People you once knew like the back of your hand become strangers. Strangers become familiar. Families are torn from on the inside, but look perfect on the outside. High school ends, college begins. They move away. Enthusiasm fades out. Promises made. Promises broken. How much has changed in the past few months I wonder?
College is starting soon. The first day of class is in 14 days, two weeks away. I'm living at home, which isn't a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. I try to remember that silly story my dad told me. I won't go into the details of the story, but the gist of the story is that things happen for a reason, things happen for the better. I'm clingy, but unsure at the same time. High school seemed easier. I don't want to hate college without giving it a chance, but I don't want to decide to like it beforehand like he did. (In a few years, I wonder if I'll remember who 'he' is. Maybe. Maybe not.) It's funny though because I am just the way she said I was. I reach for people, but pull back if the situation starts to look iffy. I did that to someone already, but I don't feel sorry. That person hasn't noticed so I think it's okay. It's unlikely that I'll see them around campus anyway. Is that wrong? Maybe it is, but I really don't feel sorry. No one got hurt.
I'm legally an adult, but I don't feel like one. My cousins, for the most part, are all adults too. When did we grow up? I miss them. I miss the old days. We've all become so different. The ones who live in NY haven't noticed the change amongst themselves, but I've noticed a little bit of it. Most of it is in regards to how I perceive them though. He's a bit quieter than I remember him, no longer someone that I know. She's outspoken, free and honest, flowing like a river. He's an open book, trusting and trustworthy in return, no longer a quiet mystery. Like buds, each and every last one of them has blossomed into a flower. Such different flowers, some with thorns and others with none.
----
Yeah, I'm done for now. Expect something from me again shortly after August 26th. See you then!
College is starting soon. The first day of class is in 14 days, two weeks away. I'm living at home, which isn't a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. I try to remember that silly story my dad told me. I won't go into the details of the story, but the gist of the story is that things happen for a reason, things happen for the better. I'm clingy, but unsure at the same time. High school seemed easier. I don't want to hate college without giving it a chance, but I don't want to decide to like it beforehand like he did. (In a few years, I wonder if I'll remember who 'he' is. Maybe. Maybe not.) It's funny though because I am just the way she said I was. I reach for people, but pull back if the situation starts to look iffy. I did that to someone already, but I don't feel sorry. That person hasn't noticed so I think it's okay. It's unlikely that I'll see them around campus anyway. Is that wrong? Maybe it is, but I really don't feel sorry. No one got hurt.
I'm legally an adult, but I don't feel like one. My cousins, for the most part, are all adults too. When did we grow up? I miss them. I miss the old days. We've all become so different. The ones who live in NY haven't noticed the change amongst themselves, but I've noticed a little bit of it. Most of it is in regards to how I perceive them though. He's a bit quieter than I remember him, no longer someone that I know. She's outspoken, free and honest, flowing like a river. He's an open book, trusting and trustworthy in return, no longer a quiet mystery. Like buds, each and every last one of them has blossomed into a flower. Such different flowers, some with thorns and others with none.
----
Yeah, I'm done for now. Expect something from me again shortly after August 26th. See you then!
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