"I felt the earth beneath my feet, sat by the river and it made me complete"

My heartiversary is coming up, and there is something special I'd like to do. I don't really have any desire to go out to eat or anything like that. I don't particularly want any of that, but I won't say no to any of it.

I want to go to Sherando Park and walk around the lake while holding hands with a loved one, a friend. I want to sit down with that person, watch the water, and talk about the year that has passed. 

There are very few friends of mine who appreciate silence and are willing to listen to me talk about this. I have a few friends in mind, but I doubt I'm going to do this.

Sure, I want to celebrate on my heartiversary, but I also want to reflect as well. I want to spend part of the day looking back on the year that has passed.

Side Note: The title of the blog post is from Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. 

EDIT: I never did end up doing this. 

"Is this the place we used to love?"

I have guidance counselor issues... 

I went to Aylor today for the MAT program. Quite honestly, I'm not even sure what MAT is supposed to stand for, probably something easy and simple, but I just don't know. Yeah, so I went back to Aylor, my middle school. My former guidance counselor, Mr. Demorest, is basically in charge of it. It felt strange to be back at Aylor, to see him. 

When I attended Aylor as a student, I thought the world of Mr. Demorest. I admired him and respected him. I liked talking to him back in the day. I felt secure and protected because he was (and still is) such a kind, caring person. He was the one at Aylor that I "fell in love" with. But now, I don't know how to feel since it's been so long. Back in middle school he used to tell me that I need to break out of my shell, that I need to put myself out there. I think I've done that, but seeing him again after such a long time made me want to box myself up. 

I held Mr. Demorest in such high esteem in middle school. I still respect him, but seeing him today really kind of pulled me out of my dream-like trance of reality that I've been able to recreate at Sherando. In middle school, I had always been under the impression that he would always be someone that I could talk to. I wanted to keep his attention forever. I wanted to know that he cared. And although I know he still does, it's not the same anymore. Time has passed. He has other students to care for now. I understand that.  I'm probably going to continue with the MAT program and as a result I'll see Mr. Demorest more often. I don't know how that's going to impact me...

The past... I didn't want to be reminded. Aylor has changed. Mr. Demorest has changed, or so it seems that he has. I've changed. I will not let myself get stuck at Aylor. I moved on. It's not the same place anymore. Once upon a time, it was the place I used to love, but no longer. It's not like Aylor was awful, I just don't want to leave any part of myself there. 

...I've made it sound like the MAT program was horrible, but it wasn't and it's not. I got to interact with some really amazing kids. I enjoyed being with them and I'd like to spend more time with them. I just need to take care to not think about the place I used to know. 

Side Note: Title of post is from a song called Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. 

EDIT: Wow...I'm really angsty. Angst, angst, angst. Eww. I need to not be like this anymore.