To my first love,
I’m glad that I loved you so strongly once upon a time, but
even more grateful that we are still friends. I still love you, but time and
distance have made the intensity of the love I felt for you back then less
intense. I wanted to tell you about my feelings back then, but I didn’t want to
destroy our friendship. I fear that a confession would most assuredly have had
dire consequences and I was unwilling to lose you as a dear friend. But I’m
pretty sure you knew how I felt from the hugs and how much I wanted to hold
your hand and be close to you.
Your way of thinking and existing was fresh and new to me. I
had never met anyone with a mind like yours. I learned so much from you.
Knowing you made me a more informed person. Loving you made me softer and
happier at heart. I still wonder from time to time whether or not you cared as
much about me as I did you. I’ve always known that the answer was and still is
no. I wanted to impact you as much as you impacted me, but I failed miserably.
I’m sorry that I was never able to return the favor.
Please know that I’m not ashamed to have loved you back
then, only worried that you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore, which is why I
never said anything. I couldn’t have had a better first love. If by some chance
you happen upon this note on my blog, promise me that you will place these
words into the appropriate context—that is to say that these words, these
feelings belong to a time in which I will not go back to out of respect for
myself and for you.
Thank you for letting me love you back then and now.
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