Change

Today was Admitted Freshman Day and I had the great honor to be a part of one of the programs. But before I talk about how that went, allow me to take you back almost two years ago when I was still in high school and nearly 18 years old. Ready? Here we go:

Friday, April 12th, 2013-Admitted Freshman Day

Today was Admitted Freshmen Day at SU. I went to the breakfast for the Presidential Scholarship recipients. It was nice for the most part, but I still don't understand how I'm going to become close to these people, much less the other incoming students. Honestly, I don't know why I was chosen when I haven't accomplished anything. Anyway, after breakfast, we ventured to one of the auditoriums for the FYS presentation, which completely captivated me. I felt myself falling for SU. I loved the entire presentation. I fell in love with Dr. PG, Ting Yu, and Maher instantly. They made me want to believe that SU is where I belong. After that, we went to hear about our own separate areas. Mine was the College of Arts and Sciences with Dean Allen. We were separated into our majors so I was lumped in with the rest of the chem majors. Like before, I fell in love with the chem professor (The chem professor that I am referring to is Professor Lake, who I sadly did not get the chance to have) who showed us around and spoke to us. He was so knowledgeable and good natured. He had very kind eyes. After that, we went to lunch. And after lunch came the presentation on Student Life. This is where I felt myself shrinking back. I felt depressed. I won't be on campus so I'm not going to have a life. (It's true, you don't have a life, but it's not because you don't live on campus. It's because you're a double major in biology and chemistry) I don't see myself making friends. (But you did make friends!)

I want to accept SU, but I'm really afraid. I don't want to go through the process of having to open up again. I hate that process. (You got through it just fine) I want to fit right in at SU and have everyone love me at an instant. But I don't see that happening. I won't make friends easily. I'm already nervous about the fact that the other Pres Scholars and myself will go over to Tracy's for dinner or so I've heard anyway. That worries me. (It ended up being so much fun though. You shouldn't have worried!) I like people, but it's so hard to be social. It's so hard to be confident when you know you're not talented. I don't even have a knack for anything. (Give yourself time, you're a work in progress) I'm way in over my head. People won't want to have anything to do with me. I can't relate to the other students or so I feel. I feel like I have a better shot with the professors. (You're silly, you've made lots of friends. But you are on pretty good terms with some of the professors too) I don't know what I'm doing anymore. (I hate to say it, but you still don't know what you're doing and that's okay!) Of all places, I never thought I'd go to a private university. The place seems and feels so loving, but I'm afraid to take a chance. I want to make friends and be the best student that I can be, but it's just hard. (It wasn't so bad. You did it!) 

Welcome back to the present! I sounded like a typical teenager, right? I still can't break away from sounding that way even though I'm nearly 20 now. It's remarkable how a lot can change in two years. Today, I had the chance to speak to the admitted freshman about my moment at SU. If I'm being honest, I think I messed it up. I don't think I expressed myself as well as I could have in comparison to everyone else who spoke. Everyone else had something to their names, something amazing about them, whether they were active in organizations across campus or had the chance to go somewhere amazing. And me? Well, Dr. Kite did tell me that's it okay to be plain, not that I am. Anyway, I think I will start over and try again. This is what I wanted to say: 

Hi, I'm Fawzia. I'm a sophomore biology/chemistry double major. I'm a little crazy. I was born in Winchester and have lived in the area my whole life. And I initially didn't like being at SU. I resented being here as a commuter. I always wanted to get away for college. I was nervous about making friends and felt lonely and left out at first. But things picked up speed as time went on. I met Silvino, the first person from SU that made me feel like someone cared. Things eventually spiraled from there. I made friends. I became more outgoing. I started to feel like I had a place at SU. I don't have a particular defining moment at SU because I've had so many. For as many sad/angry/bad moments I've had (and I've had a lot), there have been a 100 more full of laughter and love...and awkwardness. I guess what I really want to say is that it's okay to be nervous, to be a little afraid. Maybe you're like me and you don't see how you'll make friends, but you definitely will. Someone will reach out to you...probably Silvino. You're going to be just fine. 

Still, I'm glad I had the opportunity to speak to students today even if I don't think I got my point across. At least they all know that I love Silvino! That's pretty sufficient in and of itself actually! It was a lot of fun to be there and hear about other people's moments. You never know what to expect from people. 

SU isn't for everyone, I understand that. I've had my moments of doubt and will have more in the future, but I always seem to be reminded, whether it's by a friend, classmate, professor, etc., that SU is the right place for me. Yes, there are things that could be better, like there is at any other college or university, but I can live with those things because it's the people that really matter to me. I don't know what it's like to be at a bigger university. I don't know if there's the same feeling of a close knit community or if the professors visibly care about their students. That's why I like SU. Two years later and I can say that the community is strong and people really do care. And I'm pretty content.