"And we'll all float on okay"

And so another semester comes to a close. In short, it's over and somehow I survived.

I'm supposed to reflect about how this semester went, but I'm at a loss for words. What do I say? What am I supposed to say? I wonder how I was able to reflect at all last year. I suppose it was easier back then since I was in the process of accepting my place at SU. I'm just going to start typing and see where this goes...

Well, classes definitely kicked my butt. Again. I don't really want to talk about that though. I'll get upset. I've never been so aware of my heart beating inside of me until this week. I was thinking agonizing over Ochem and my heart took off. No other class will cause me such grief or make me hate myself more than I already do. This is a fact. I've honestly never felt more defeated by a class. A lack of confidence can cost you everything. And so the cycle continues.

Anyway, I guess this semester was pretty intense. I've never been so aware of my feelings before. I wasn't happy on most days and I know that it was hard for my friends to deal with. When I'm sad and/or upset, I become very irritable and snappy to the point of rudeness. You either get that or the extremely hysterical side of me, which usually ends up being a mixed bag. I kind of walk around with rain clouds hovering over my head. The rain on your parade? Yeah, that's probably me, sorry about that. In all seriousness though, if any of my SU friends are reading right now, I want to apologize for my behavior. I haven't been good to you guys this whole entire semester and nothing I say can erase or mend that. Break has been much needed for all of us. I'm going to spend break working on myself so that I can be a better person to you guys when you come back.

This was an interesting semester just in regards to who I spent my time around. I sort of became Anne and Osinachi's third roommate, oops. I had the great pleasure of spending a few nights with them. I saw the same group of people almost everyday, which was nice but also very draining after a while. I was really good about making sure I spent time with all of my friends at the beginning of the semester, but then I let my classes swallow me whole. That's definitely the other thing I'm going to work on when classes start up again: balancing my social life, or eliminating it altogether. Who knows how this upcoming semester will go?

All in all though, besides the disappointment and stress of finals AND my emotional instability, it was a pretty good semester. Normally I'd say that I'm looking forward to next semester, but I think I'm just going to enjoy break. I've got a lot of shows to watch and a lot of walks to go on.

Note: The title of this blog post was taken from "Float On" by Modest Mouse